150 Movies You Should Die Before You See - Miller Steve [14]
Why It Sucks
Maybe the 1940s, with Fascism, the atomic bomb, and everything, just wasn't a good decade for comedy. In the years since it was made, Zombies on Broadway has had all its punch zapped out of it as if it had been attacked by, well, zombies. It was intended as a spoof of I Walked with a Zombie, a film practically no one remembers. Then there's the awful job the film's makeup artists did on the poor schmoe who plays the zombie. Incidentally, he's a zombie of the non — flesh-eating variety. They were standard before George Romero made Night of the Living Dead.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Acting Award goes to … Wally Brown and Alan Carney for performances that will make viewers wonder why they aren't watching the real Abbott and Costello instead of a studio-manufactured knockoff.
And the Worst Script Award goes to … Lawrence Kimble for writing a film so tightly connected with then-contemporary pop culture references that it is an antique Disaster Movie.
They Really Said It! Jerry: How will we know a zombie if we see one?
Jean: If you see a corpse walking around — that's a zombie.
Betcha Didn't Know
Actor Darby Jones and calypso singer Sir Lancelot play identical roles in this film and I Walked with a Zombie.
This is one of three movies where Bela Lugosi got to show his talent for comedic acting.
Trivia Quiz
In what series of zombie movies are zombies created via a scientifically developed chemical?
A: Night of the Living Dead
B: Return of the Living Dead
C: White Zombie
D: Dead Alive
Answer: B. Return of the Living Dead. The chemical Tri-Oxin turns people into unstoppable killing machines that crave the taste of human brains.
CHAPTER FOUR
FREAKY FAMILIES
When you're mad or unhappy with your relatives and/or family situation, you might find solace in watching the films talked about in this chapter. They will remind you that no matter how strange your family is, there's always one that's worse.
AMITYVILLE DOLLHOUSE
Promark Entertainment Group, 1996
PRODUCERS David Newlon (executive producer), Zane W. Levitt, Steve White, and Mark Yellen (producers)
WRITER Joshua Michael Stern
DIRECTOR Steve White
STARS Robin Thomas (Bill Martin), Starr Andreeff (Claire Martin), Allen Cutler (Todd Martin), Rachel Duncan (Jessica Martin), Jarrett Lennon (Jimmy Martin), Franc Ross (Tobias), and Lisa Robin Kelly (Dana)
Somewhere in the American southwest, a family moves into a newly constructed home. An old shack was left standing on the property, and within is found a dollhouse — an evil, haunted dollhouse built in the image of the infamous Amityville House. The youngest child starts playing with the dollhouse …
Why It Sucks
Don't bother asking why someone built a dollhouse replica of a place on Long Island. And don't ask how it ended up in a shack in the desert, or how it became filled with eeeeevil — the writer and director barely gave any thought to the subjects. The film's story is rendered even less scary by the fact that no one seems particularly distressed by the weird developments … at least not until the home's fireplace becomes a gateway to Hell.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Script Award goes to … Joshua Michael Stern for writing in the monumental fact that family friend Tobias just happens to be a demon hunter in his spare time.
And the Worst Director Award goes to … Steve White for a horror movie so illogical that the audience keeps looking around to make sure it hasn't fallen down a rabbit hole.
They Really Said It!
Kelly: For some reason, I feel right at home in this house.
Betcha Didn't Know
This direct-to-video movie was the seventh and final sequel to The Amityville Horror (1979), and the fourth to feature a cursed object that was somehow tenuously connected to the haunted house in the original film. (The mysterious dollhouse in this film was certainly the weirdest exploration