150 Movies You Should Die Before You See - Miller Steve [22]
A: 4 minutes
B: 8 minutes
C: 16 minutes
D: 32 minutes
Answer: C. 16 minutes. The most widely available DVD versions of the film run 91 minutes.
SUSPIRIA
Seda Spettacoli, 1977
PRODUCERS Salvatore Argento (executive producer) and Claudio Argento (producer)
WRITERS Dario Argento and Daria Nicolodi
DIRECTOR Dario Argento
STARS Jessica Harper (Suzy Banyon), Stefania Casini (Sara), Joan Bennett (Madame Blanc), and Udo Keir (Dr. Frank Mandel)
Suzy Banyon (Harper) comes to study at a prestigious German dance academy, but instead is drawn into the murderous and deadly web of secrets that exist within its walls. Is there a killer on the loose in the school, or is it the spirit of its founder — a reported witch — who has returned from the depths of Hell?
Why It Sucks
When Suspiria is over, you won't be asking, “Is that all the gore he's got?” but rather, “Is that all the story there is?” Star Jessica Harper's deer-in-the-headlights performance is decent, and the death scenes are brutal and creative — one character is killed by a roomful of barbed wire. But everything in the film is badly explained and every sympathetic character in the film suffers from Stupid Character Syndrome.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Script Award goes to … Dario Argento and Daria Nicolodi. The film's producer ordered them to change the setting from a boarding school for small children to a dance academy for young women, because he was uncomfortable with children being brutally murdered onscreen. Argento and Nicolodi made the change but didn't bother to rewrite the characters, who now come across as adults with the minds of children.
And the Worst Director Award goes to … Dario Argento for making a visually impressive film, but completely forgetting that characters and story matter, too.
They Really Said It!
Dr. Frank Mandel:Bad luck isn't brought by broken mirrors, but by broken minds.
Betcha Didn't Know
Nearly four minutes was cut from the film to gain an R rating in the United States.
Dario Argento is the father of actress Asia Argento, and many of his films were produced by his father or sons. Filmmaking is truly a family business for the Argentos.
Trivia Quiz
Aside from a character in Suspiria, who is Pat Hingle?
A: An American stage and film actor who appeared in four Batman movies.
B: A cartoon character used to sell Pringle Potato Chips.
C: The inventor of the Technicolor process.
D: Dario Argento's girlfriend in 1977 (and future wife).
Answer: A. Pat Hingle portrayed Commissioner Gordon in three of the four Batman movies made in the 1990s.
THE TRAVELER
Black Boot Productions, 2006
PRODUCER Jonathan R. Skocik
WRITER Jonathan R. Skocik
DIRECTOR Jonathan R. Skocik
STARS Jonathan R. Skocik (Alan Chesterson), Shawn Burke (the Traveler), Melanie D'Alessandro (Suzan Chesterson), Erica Highberg (Linda Clarke), David L. Penn (Dan Strife), and Megan Hartley (voice of Susan)
Seven people are trapped in an abandoned house by a supernatural force. An immortal man with monstrous strength (Burke) appears and forces them to torture each other to death.
Why It Sucks
Well, it's got wooden acting and clunky dialogue. But the real problem is that the torture effects are so literal that this movie's unwatchable for many viewers. “Highlights” include teeth being shattered with a hammer and chisel. On the other hand, the film's low budget keeps both characters and viewers trapped in the torture rooms with no sense of movie fantasy or comic relief.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Script Award goes to … Jonathan R. Skocik for dialogue that in most cases can be charitably described as “tinny.”
And the Worst Director Award goes to … Jonathan R. Skocik for failing to recognize that some of his effects were beyond his meager budget (and pretty insane), such as when the Traveler grows a new head after his original is cut off.
They Really Said It!
The Traveler: Let's play a little game.
Betcha Didn't Know
Linda Clarke is the only performer with any acting credits