150 Movies You Should Die Before You See - Miller Steve [43]
EVIL BONG
Talos Entertainment/Forbidden Worlds/Shoot Productions, 2006
PRODUCERS Thomas Smead (executive producer) and Joe Dain (producer)
WRITER August White
DIRECTOR Charles Band
STARS David Weidoff (Alistair), Brian Lloyd (Brett), John Patrick Jordan (Larnell), Kristyn Green (Janet), Robin Snyder (Luann), Mitch Eakins (Bachman), Michele Mais (Voice of the Evil Bong), and Tommy Chong (Jimbo Leary)
When his pot-smoking roommates and the lovely Janet (Green) fall victim to the mysterious powers of the Voodoo-cursed Evil Bong, it's up to the nerdy, straight-laced Alistair (Weidoff) to save them all.
Why It Sucks
Evil Bong is part stoner comedy, part horror movie spoof. It's also a far more effective antidrug movie than say, Reefer Madness or a lot of the antidrug after-school specials. Unfortunately, this is a sad, under-budgeted movie that falls short of its potential. It feels as if the filmmaker put together the footage and said, “That's the outline of the movie I want to make.”
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Picture Award goes to … Producer Joe Dain for failing to get this film the resources it needed to make a good movie.
And the Worst Director Award goes to … Charles Band for his inability to make the picture work within the tiny budget. I mean, it's been done before, but he couldn't do it. What we get is a talking bong with a badly animated face and a “Bongworld” that feels like a hangover in a skid row strip club at 10 A.M.
They Really Said It!
Larnell: If there's one thing this pad is lacking, it's a killer fucking bong.
Betcha Didn't Know
Tommy Chong, true to his comedy stoner image, ran an Internet business that sold bongs and marijuana pipes. He was among fifty-five people arrested in 2003 on federal drug paraphernalia charges and was sentenced to nine months in prison and $120,000 in fines.
The 2009 sequel, Evil Bong 2: King Bong, unites the cast of the first film to battle a lingering curse cast upon them.
Trivia Quiz
What movie made to warn about the dangers of marijuana use became a cult comedy hit among stoners?
A: Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle (2004)
B: Reefer Madness (1936)
C: Jailbait (2004)
D: Up In Smoke (1978)
Answer: B. Reefer Madness. Originally titled Tell Your Children, this 1938 film is an over the-top cautionary tale about the evils of drugs.
THE FURY OF THE WOLFMAN
(AKA “THE WOLFMAN NEVER SLEEPS”)
Maxper Producciones, 1972
PRODUCER Maximiliano Pérez Floréz
WRITER Jacinto Molina Álvarez
DIRECTOR José María Zabalza
STARS Paul Naschy (Waldemar Daninsky), Perla Cristal (Dr. Ilona Elmann), and Veronica Lujan (Karen)
When a globe-trotting scientist (Naschy) contracts lycanthropy, he becomes the latest subject of the twisted experiments of a mad scientist (Cristal) and her all-woman team of graduate student assistants.
Why It Sucks
The Fury of the Wolfman should have been titled Moonlight Strolls of the Wolfman. Or possibly The Tasmanian Devil's Really, Really Bad Day. Rather than dismembering hapless peasants, the wolfman spends much of his time wandering about. And when he's snarling, he sounds exactly like the Tasmanian Devil from old Bugs Bunny cartoons. All in all, this is an unintentionally hilarious rather than horrifying film.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Script Award goes to … Jacinto Molina Álvarez for a script that tries to cram every single werewolf legend into a single story.
And the Worst Actor Award goes to … Paul Naschy for portraying the most laid-back werewolf to ever saunter through the moonlit countryside.
They Really Said It!
Sexy Grad Student (as she becomes the subject of an evil experiment): This can't be scientific! This can't be scientific!
Betcha Didn't Know
Jacinto Molina Álvarez is the true name of Paul