150 Movies You Should Die Before You See - Miller Steve [81]
Why It Sucks
Well, the cameraman kept each shot in focus. I suppose that's one positive thing about the movie. For the rest, it's an unsexy softcore porn flick, an unscary horror film, and an unfunny comedy. Nothing works in this picture, from the poorly structured story to the sparsely decorated sets. Even the actors suck in comparison to performances they gave in Head of the Family and Hideous!
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Director Award goes to … Richard Chasen. Why film nude scenes if you're going to be a prude about it?
And the Worst Monster Award goes to … The Killer Eye, which looks like a beach ball that someone took a paint brush to. Unconfirmed rumors hold that the eye went onto co-star with Ben Stein in commercials for Clear Eyes-brand eye drops.
They Really Said It!
Tom: You killed my friend, you stupid bitch!
Betcha Didn't Know
Richard Chasen is a pseudonym of David DeCoteau, and Rob-ert Talbot is once again the name assumed by Charles Band.
This was the last film role for actor Blake Bailey.
Trivia Quiz
Who starred in the American remake of a Japanese horror movie about an eyeball possessed by the powers of evil?
A: Jennifer Love Hewitt
B: Sarah Michelle Gellar
C: Jessica Alba
D: Lindsay Lohan
Answer: C. Alba's The Eye (2008) was a remake of a 2002 Japanese horror film that has, to date, spawned two sequels. There must be a lot of evil eyeballs out there.
LASER MISSION (AKA “SOLDIER OF FORTUNE”)
Azimuth, 1989
PRODUCER Hans Kühle
WRITERS David A. Frank and Phillip Gutteridge
DIRECTOR Beau Davis
STARS Brandon Lee (Michael Gold), Ernest Borgnine (Dr. Braun), Debi Monahan (Alissa), and Graham Clarke (Col. Kalishnakov)
It's the final decade of the Cold War. Michael (Lee) is hired by the CIA to extract a brilliant scientist (Borgnine) from a facility being guarded by incompetent Cubans in Angola. At stake: Laser weapons that can tip the balance of power.
Why It Sucks
How many viewers remember that Cuba had a significant military presence in Angola during the Cold War? How many care?
The action scenes are lame, and the “humor” would embarrass a group of fourth graders.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Stunt Coordinator Award goes to … Paul Siebert for the fight scenes. Kids playing Cops and Robbers would seem more convincing.
And the Worst Director Award goes to … Beau Davis for casting Ernest Borgnine as a brilliant Russian scientist. Ernest Borgnine?!Please!
They Really Said It!
Michael Gold: I never put price tags on women. It's much more fun taking them off.
Betcha Didn't Know
Ernest Borgnine won a Best Actor Academy Award in 1955 for his starring role in Marty.
Director Beau Davis (better known as BJ Davis) is a lifetime Boy Scout, having earned forty-three merit badgets. He has also worked extensiely in movies as a stuntman, stunt coordinator, director, and producer.
Trivia Quiz
How did Brandon Lee die?
A: He was shot by jealous girlfriend.
B: He was in an accident while filming his last movie.
C: He overdosed.
D: He was in a plane crash.
Answer: B. Lee was shot in the back while filming The Crow after the crew misloaded a prop gun because they failed to consult the film's weapons coordinator.
MANIAC (AKA “SEX MANIAC”)
Roadshow Attractions, 1934
PRODUCERS Dwain Esper, Louis Sonney, and Hildegarde Stadie
WRITERS Hildegarde Stadie (script), Edgar Allan Poe (original story)
DIRECTOR Dwain Esper Stars Bill Woods (Don Maxwell), Horace B. Carpenter (Dr. Meirschultz), Ted Edwards (Buckley), Phyllis Diller (Mrs. Buckley), and Thea Ramsey (Alice Maxwell)
Don (Woods), an actor turned mad doctor's assistant, kills his boss (Carpenter) and then impersonates the doctor to cover up the crime. Things get weirder from there, including eyeball eating and zombie rape.
Why It Sucks
Here's another film supposedly