1st to Die - James Patterson [37]
“That’s all?” I shook my head and smiled at Claire.
“Like I said, I only had a few minutes. Anyway, it was your theory. If it ends up proving out, all I did was connect the dots.”
We drove on a bit. I was still fumbling for the right words.
Claire asked, “So how’s the new partner?”
I gave her an affirming nod. “Turns out he’s okay. He’s backed me up with Roth and Mercer.”
“And you were so sure he was only a watchdog from the mayor’s office.”
“So I was wrong.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time you ended up wrong about a guy,” Claire said.
I wrinkled my face in pretended offense and ignored her grin.
“Anyway, watchdog or not,” Claire continued, “he’s a damn sight better to look at than Jacobi.”
“Smarter, too. When we drove up to Napa yesterday, I flipped on the stereo in his Explorer. A tape of The Shipping News came on.”
“So,” Claire went on, with a look of inquisitiveness, “anything going on?”
“You mean other than four innocent people being killed?”
“I mean with Chris Raleigh, Lindsay. He’s working out of the mayor’s office, he’s a hunk, and your social calendar isn’t exactly Gwyneth Paltrow’s. You can’t tell me he’s not your type.”
“We’ve been wrapped up in the case, Claire.”
“Yeah.” She chortled. “He’s not married, right?”
“C’mon, Claire,” I pleaded. “I’m just not ready.”
As Claire winked, I found myself imagining something going on with Raleigh. If I had driven back with him from Napa, instead of Cindy. If I had asked him up, it being nothing but a lonely Sunday, thrown together something out of the fridge. Shared a beer on the terrace as the sun melted into the bay. In my mind, I caught him checking me over again. You look nice, Boxer. He had noticed. Truth was, I had noticed things about him, too. Patient, sensitive eyes. Even finished The Shipping News. It wouldn’t be so hard.
Even as I sat there pretending I could fall in love with someone, the daydream crashed. Life was slowly leaking out of me.
Something with Raleigh, or anyone, just wasn’t a possibility now.
I glanced over at Claire, who was pulling the car onto 101. I took a deep breath.
“You ever hear of something called Negli’s aplastic anemia?” I asked.
Chapter 40
IT CAME OUT OF THE BLUE—so unexpectedly—that it didn’t really dawn on Claire what I had just said.
She answered as if she were fielding a medical question in her lab. “Blood disorder. Pretty rare, serious. The body stops producing erythrocytes.”
“Red blood cells,” I said.
Claire glanced at me. “Why? It’s not Cat?” referring to my sister.
I shook my head. I sat rigid and stared straight ahead. My eyes were glassy.
It was probably the long pause that caused it to slowly sink in.
Claire whispered, “Not you?”
An awful stillness took hold in the car.
“Oh, Lindsay.” Claire’s jaw dropped.
She pulled the Bronco onto the shoulder of the road and immediately reached out and hugged me. “What has your doctor told you?”
“That it’s serious. That it can be fatal.”
I saw the gravity of that wash over her face. The hurt, the pain. Claire was a doctor, a pathologist. She had taken in what was at stake before I even met her eyes.
I told her that I was already undergoing packed–red cell transfusions twice a week.
“That’s why you wanted to get together the other day?” she declared. “Oh, Lindsay. Why couldn’t you just tell me?”
None of my past reasoning seemed clear now. “I wanted to so much. I was afraid. Maybe even more to admit it to myself. Then I allowed myself to get wrapped up in the case.”
“Does anyone know? Jacobi? Roth?”
I shook my head.
“Raleigh?”
I took a breath. “Still think I’m ready for Mr. Right?”
“You poor baby,” Claire said softly. “Oh, Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay.”
Her body was shaking. I could feel it. I had hurt her.
Suddenly, I let it all go—fear and shame and uncertainty rushing through me.
I held on to Claire, and I realized she was all that kept me from hurtling out of control. I started to cry, and then we both did. It felt good, though. I wasn’t alone