22 Britannia Road - Amanda Hodgkinson [132]
Downstairs, the kitchen is glowing with sunlight even though it is early. She turns her chair away from the window while she drinks a cup of coffee.
Silvana washes the cup, dries it and hangs it on the wooden cup tree that stands beside the sink. She sweeps the floor, opens the pantry door and tidies jars, packets and tins so that all their labels face her. Then she does the same with the pots and pans under the sink, handles facing inwards just like Janusz’s mother used to arrange them in her kitchen. She wants to leave things in good order.
At the front door she breathes in the sea air, steps outside and looks up to the bedroom window. Aurek is sitting there, watching the seagulls. He waves at her and she waves back.
‘I won’t be long. Don’t go anywhere. I want you there when I get back.’
She walks on the deserted beach. She begins to run, soft sand spray flying up. Her red headscarf flutters around her face, and she runs until she has no breath left and has to stop, hands on her knees, waiting for her heart to slow down and her breathing to come back to normal. Finally, she stands up, takes a deep breath, climbs the concrete steps onto the pavements above the beach and walks back towards the house.
Janusz is driving slowly. He has already stopped twice, unsure of what he thinks he is doing. What if she doesn’t want to see him? Both times he got out of the car, studied Aurek’s postcard, and then got back in and continued on the road heading towards Felixstowe. As he comes into the town, its name proudly spelt out on a huge roadside flower bed, red flowers for the letters on a white background of daisies, a car heading towards Ipswich passes him.
It’s the first he’s seen on the road that morning. The driver slows as he passes. The two men look at each other.
It is Tony.
He looks tired and unshaven, his collar undone, his tie knotted carelessly, and Janusz hardly recognizes him. He wants to punch him, and slows down. They come to a stop in the road. Janusz cuts the engine, flexes his hands into fists and gets out of his car.
Tony winds his window down.
‘Get out of the car,’ Janusz says, lifting his fists.
Tony shakes his head. ‘There’s no point in fighting. She’s waiting for you.’
The man looks so utterly wretched, Janusz forgets for a moment that he’d like to hit him. By the time Janusz remembers, Tony is already moving away, his wheels squealing. Janusz watches him speeding down the empty road. He watches until the car disappears from view.
Silvana only notices the car that passes her because it is going so slowly. It must be someone out for an early morning drive. The car is very clean, polished, a shiny black Rover. The man driving it stares at her as he passes. She carries on walking and then looks back, unsure what to do. A little way down the road, the car has pulled to a stop. She carries on walking a few more paces and then turns round. There is nothing between her and her husband now, not even a child to link them. She knows this, has told herself so, many times. But the sight of Janusz sitting waiting in his car makes her heart soar, and she walks towards him.
Janusz opens the passenger door and watches Silvana get in beside him. He tries to be calm. Silvana touches the dashboard, looks around herself.
‘Aurek would like this car,’ she says. ‘He is very fond of cars.’
They sit in silence, the sun glinting off the windscreen, seagulls landing and taking off in front of them. The rows of lights that loop along the seafront swing back and forth, jingling, snatched up by the wind again and again. Finally Janusz speaks.
‘I met Hélène during the war.’ He coughs, smooths his thumb and forefinger over his moustache. ‘She died. She died in 1944. I should never have kept her letters. I should have explained to you. Talked more. I shut it all up.’
Janusz looks across at Silvana and sees her eyes are shining with tears. He pulls his handkerchief from his pocket and offers it to her.
‘The thing is, the boy. I’d like to see him.’
‘Do you think I am a bad woman for what I did?