22 Britannia Road - Amanda Hodgkinson [17]
She pulls the covers back and moves to make room for him. Janusz turns off the bedside lamp. Lifting her nightdress, he slides his hands over her and hears her exhale deeply. A shiver runs through him. That sound. It is the sound of the girl he once loved coming from a woman he knows not at all.
Her hips, like misplaced elbows, rise up from her belly. Her body is all angles and depressions. Silvana takes his hand and places it on her breast. It is soft and warm and full. It is so long since he has touched a woman, and he climbs across her awkwardly.
‘Is this all right?’
He is afraid to let his weight rest against her, but she opens her thighs and draws him towards her, whispering his name, wrapping her legs around him. In the darkness he grips the edge of the mattress, and then Hélène is in his mind and he shuts his eyes to get rid of her. He has to stop this craziness. Silvana’s breathing hurries and the quick rasp of her voice in his ear sends a hot rush of pleasure through him, dispelling other thoughts. His loneliness falls away from him like unbuttoned clothes. Maybe this will be all right. Maybe they can do this. Live here, together. Forget Hélène. Make a family. He presses his cheek against her shorn hair, kisses her ear, licks it, folds the lobe against his teeth.
Something touches his hand. He moves slightly, vaguely aware of the feeling. His little finger is being pulled back sharply. ‘What the …?’ He starts. ‘Who’s there? What the hell is going on?’
He tumbles off Silvana and falls between the beds, scrambling to his feet.
‘Aurek?’ says Silvana.
Janusz turns on the main light and the child looks at him, staring him down with wide, dark eyes. There’s a possessive, adult fierceness in the boy’s gaze that leaves Janusz speechless for a moment. He buttons his pyjama top and glares back at the boy.
‘Aurek? What are you doing here? Go to bed.’
Silvana is pulling back the covers, holding out her hands to the child.
‘No, no. Let him stay.’
‘What does he want?’ asks Janusz. ‘What is it, Aurek? Were you scared of something?’
Aurek looks at his mother and makes a small mewing noise.
‘He’s thirsty,’ says Silvana. ‘Please don’t shout.’
The boy climbs into bed quicker than Janusz can protest, and Silvana wraps her arms around him. He watches as the child takes his place, small hands reaching for Silvana’s breast, dipping his head, taking the nipple in his mouth.
‘No,’ says Janusz. ‘No. Stop. You can’t do that. Aurek, get out. Go to bed.’
Silvana’s face is blank and impossible to read.
‘I’m sorry,’ she says, her chin resting on the boy’s head. ‘Next time. When Aurek doesn’t need me.’
Poland
Silvana
Janusz’s father found the newly-weds a small flat in Warsaw. Two rooms on the top floor of a tall town house. They filled a suitcase and a trunk with their belongings and took a bus to the city.
‘I should carry you over the threshold,’ said Janusz as he put the key in the lock.
Silvana hesitated. He looked so handsome, his blue eyes shining at her. Nobody had ever looked at her the way he did. It was as if he saw something different in her, a truth that he had long been searching for. Of course he wanted to carry her into her new home. That’s what a husband had to do.
‘I’m not sure, Jan,’ she said. ‘Is it safe? For the baby, I mean. Look, why don’t I give you my gloves and hat. You could carry them inside for me instead.’
She saw the sadness in his face, and her optimism gave way to doubt. Perhaps he thought they had got things wrong, the baby coming along so quickly. Had he married her out of duty? By rights Janusz should be at university now, not offering to carry a pregnant peasant girl over the threshold of an attic apartment. Perhaps he was disappointed by the turn of events. Certainly his parents had been against the marriage.
But if Janusz was frustrated by his new life, he showed no sign of it.
‘Come here,’ he said laughing, and picked her up, making a big show of groaning