311 Pelican Court - Debbie Macomber [118]
Cliff nodded. “I’m glad to hear she’s on the mend.”
“You and me both.”
The silence that followed was uncomfortable. Cliff didn’t make any effort to fill it, so Grace forged ahead. “I know my visit must be something of a surprise,” she said. She gestured around. “You’ve done a lot of work since I was last here.”
“Yes,” he murmured. But he offered no further comment.
Grace stared down at her coffee, wishing she’d thought about what she wanted to say. She stared out the window at the expansive structure. “When did you build the barn?”
“The contractor started construction the beginning of December.”
“I didn’t realize you intended to make such major improvements to the property.”
Now it was Cliff who stared down at his coffee. “I mentioned a new barn a couple of times.”
“Oh, yes. That’s right, you did.” Of course he’d talked about it. She had a vague recollection of it. Anytime they were together she’d been preoccupied, wondering when she could get back home and onto the computer. Grace could only guess how much else she’d missed.
“I mentioned hiring Cal, too.”
“I do remember that.” What she recalled was Cliff’s saying he might hire a full-time trainer. She’d obviously been mentally absent during subsequent conversations.
He glanced at his watch—an unmistakable signal that her time was almost up.
“I came because I wanted to apologize, Cliff,” she said quickly. This was difficult. Painful. Embarrassing. But she had to do it. “You were right—I was involved with someone else.”
His eyes narrowed. “Married?”
Her face was flushed as she nodded. “He lives out of state—we only spoke online.”
Cliff sipped his coffee and didn’t comment.
She nodded again. “It’s over. Thank God I came to my senses before…before anything happened.” She didn’t mention how close it had been. Or that it was only by chance she’d learned the truth about Will. If it hadn’t been for Olivia, Grace would have sunk deeper and deeper until she’d been completely swallowed up in the deception. She blinked back tears as she thought about the people she’d deceived—Cliff, first of all, and Georgia. Olivia. Her own daughters. Herself…
“I misled you,” Grace murmured, struggling with remorse. “You’ve been nothing but kind, and I abused that. Oh, Cliff, can you ever forgive me?”
“Of course I can,” he said without emotion. After a moment, he added, “But, unfortunately, I can’t undo the past.”
Grace didn’t understand what he was telling her. “I realize that.”
“Do you?” he asked, looking doubtful. He set his coffee mug in the sink, standing there for a moment with his back to her.
“Explain it to me.”
Cliff turned to face her. “I think I told you this before. I know what it’s like to be betrayed. I recognized the signs.”
She hung her head, aware she’d hurt him badly. With everything in her, she wanted to erase the pain she’d caused him.
“Susan had quite a few affairs over the years,” he continued. “It was a sickness with her, I think. At first I wondered if there was something missing in me, something I wasn’t giving her. She was constantly seeking admiration and approval from men. The only way she seemed capable of getting what she needed was through these affairs. Yet she repeatedly told me how much she loved me.”
He smiled then, and it was the saddest smile Grace had ever seen.
“The irony is that I believe Susan did love me. For most of our marriage I looked the other way and tried to pretend her indiscretions didn’t matter, but I was wrong. They mattered a lot. I held on to the marriage for Lisa’s sake. Then before I knew it, my daughter was grown-up, and all at once I realized I was trapped in a relationship that was nothing more than a pretence.”
Grace knew how painful it was for Cliff to discuss the details of his marriage. She also knew what that felt like. Her own marriage had been difficult. For years she’d believed it was something lacking in her that had brought on Dan’s dark moods. Only after his death did she learn she wasn’t to blame, although she’d accepted responsibility for Dan’s