A Cook's Tour_ In Search of the Perfect Meal - Anthony Bourdain [3]
Unreasonable? Overromantic? Uninformed? Foolhardy?
Yes!
But I didn’t care. I’d just put down a very nice score with an obnoxious and overtestosteroned account of my life in the restaurant business. Inexplicably, it had flown off the shelves. I was paying rent on time for the first time in my life. I had, amazingly, health coverage at long last. I actually had money in the bank and the goodwill of a publisher on my side. After a few months of traveling the English-speaking world, flogging my book, giving the same witless three-minute interview over and over and over again, I was no longer a useful factor in the day-to-day operations of my kitchen. My cooks had long since begun calling me ‘Pinchay Famoso’ and making fun of me when I’d show up slathered in TV makeup after yet another segment showing me warning the public about ‘fish on Monday’ and the ‘perils of hollandaise.’ I needed something to do. I needed another idea for a book – preferably while I was still in good odor from the last one. I may love cooking, and I certainly love the life of the professional chef, but I did not, at age forty-five, forty-six, or ever again, want to find myself slopping out brunches in some West Village café when my knees went completely and my brain turned, finally, to mush.
‘How about this?’ I suggested to my editor. ‘I travel around the world, doing whatever I want. I stay in fine hotels and I stay in hovels. I eat scary, exotic, wonderful food, doing cool stuff like I’ve seen in movies, and looking for the perfect meal. How’s that sound?’
That sounded like a good business plan, right? I’d comb the world looking for the perfect mix of food and context. Upriver in Southeast Asia to eat snakes and bird’s nests, back to La Teste for a bowl of soupe de poisson, scale the mountains of the new haute cuisine – the French Laundry in Napa Valley, I hadn’t eaten there yet! That Arzak guy in Spain – all the cooks are talking about him. I’d look and look, and eventually I’d find the best meal in the world – according to me anyway – and I’d write about it.
Of course, I knew already that the best meal in the world, the perfect meal, is very rarely the most sophisticated or expensive one. I knew how important factors other than technique or rare ingredients can be in the real business of making magic happen at a dinner table. Context and memory play powerful roles in all the truly great meals in one’s life. I mean, let’s face it: When you’re eating simple barbecue under a palm tree, and you feel sand between your toes, samba music is playing softly in the background, waves are lapping at the shore a few yards off, a gentle breeze is cooling the sweat on the back of your neck at the hairline, and looking across the table, past the column of empty Red Stripes at the dreamy expression on your companion’s face, you realize that in half an hour you’re probably going to be having sex on clean white hotel sheets, that grilled chicken leg suddenly tastes a hell of a lot better.
I talk about these mysterious forces all the time with my chef cronies. Nothing illustrates them more than the Last Meal Game. ‘You’re getting the electric chair tomorrow morning. They’re gonna strap you down, turn up the juice, and fry your ass until your eyes sizzle and pop like McNuggets. You’ve got one meal left. What are you having for dinner?’ When playing this game with chefs – and we’re talking good chefs here – the answers are invariably simple ones.
‘Braised short ribs,’ said one friend.
‘A single slab of seared foie gras,’ said another.
‘Linguine pomodoro, like my mother used to make me,