A Death in the Family - James Agee [10]
“Why yeah, she ...”
“Let me talk to her a minute, will you?”
“Why I just told you she’s out home.”
“Course Mother’s out there.”
“Why, Jay, she wouldn’t never leave his side. Mother ...”
“Doctor’s been out, of course.”
“He’s with him still. Was when I left.”
“What’s he say?”
Ralph hesitated. He did not want to spoil his story. “He says he has a chance, Jay.”
By the way Ralph said it, Jay suspected the doctor had said, a good chance.
He was at the edge of asking whether it was a good chance or just a chance when he was suddenly overcome by even more disgust for himself, for haggling about it, than for Ralph. Besides, his feet were so chilly they were beginning to itch.
“Look here, Ralph,” he said, in a different voice. “I’m talking too much. I ...”
“Yeah, reckon our time must be about up, but what’s a few ...”
“Listen here. I’m starting right on up. I ought to be there by—what time is it, do you know?”
“Hit’s two-thirty-seven, Jay. I knowed you’d ...”
“I ought to be there by daylight, Ralph, you tell Mother I’m coming right on up just quicks I can get there. Ralph. Is he conscious?”
“Awf an’ on, Jay. He’s been speakin yore name, Jay, hit like to break muh heart. He’ll sure thank his stars that his oldest boy, the one he always thought the most of, that you thought it was worth yer while to ...”
“Cut it out, Ralph. What the hell you think I am? If he gets conscious just let him know I’m comin’. And Ralph ...”
“Yeah?”
But now he did not want to say it. He said it anyway. “I know I got no room to talk, but—try not to drink so much that Mother will notice it. Drink some coffee fore you go back. Huh? Drink it black.”
“Sure, Jay, and don’t think I take offense so easy. I wouldn’t add a mite to her troubles, not at this time, not for this world, Jay. You know that. So Jay, I thank you. I thank you for calling it to my tention. I don’t take offense. I thank you, Jay. I thank you.”
“That’s all right, Ralph. Don’t mention it,” he added, feeling hypercritical and a little disgusted again. “Now I’ll be right along. So good-bye.”
“You tell Mary how it is, Jay. Don’t want her thinking bad of me, ringing ... ”
“That’s all right. She’ll understand. Good-bye, Ralph.”
“I wouldn’t a ring you up, Jay if ...”
“That’s all right. Thanks for calling. Good-bye.”
Ralph’s voice was unsatisfied. “Well, good-bye,” he said.
Wants babying, Jay realized. Not appreciated enough. He listened. The line was still open. The hell I will, he thought, and hung up. Of all the crybabies, he thought, and went on back to the bedroom.
“Gracious sake, ”said Mary, under her breath. “I thought he’d talk forever!”
“Oh, well,” Jay said, “reckon he can’t help it.” He sat on the bed and felt for his socks.
“It is your father, Jay?”
“Yup,” he said, pulling on one sock.
“Oh, you’re going up,” she said, suddenly realizing what he was doing. She put her hand on him. “Then it’s very grave, Jay,” she said very gently.
He fastened his garter and put his hand over hers. “Lord knows,” he said. “I can’t be sure enough of anything with Ralph, but I can’t afford to take the risk.”
“Of course not.” Her hand moved to pat him; his hand moved on hers. “Has the doctor seen him?” she asked cautiously.
“He says he has a chance, Ralph says.”
“That could mean so many things. It might be all right if you waited till morning. You might hear he was better, then. Not that I mean to ...”
Because, to his shame, he had done the same kinds of wondering himself, he was now exasperated afresh. The thought even flashed across his mind, That’s easy for you to say. He’s not your father, and besides you’ve always looked down at him. But he drove this thought so well away that he thought ill of himself for having believed it, and said, “Sweetheart, I’d rather wait and see what we hear in the morning, just as much as you would. It may all be a false alarm. I know Ralph goes off his trolley easy. But we just can’t afford to take that chance.”
“Of course not,