A Death in the Family - James Agee [40]
Next day his mother told him that soon he was going to have a very wonderful surprise. When he asked what a surprise was she said it was like being given things for Christmas only ever so much nicer. When he asked what he was going to be given she said that she did not mean it was a present, specially for him, or for him to have, or keep, but something for everybody, and especially for them. When he asked what it was, she said that if she told him it wouldn’t be a surprise any more, would it? When he said that he wanted to know anyway, she said that she would tell him, only it would be so hard for him to imagine what it was before it came that she thought it was better for him to see it first. When he asked when it was coming she said that she didn’t know exactly but very soon now, in only a week or two, perhaps sooner, and she promised him that he would know right away when it did come.
He was aflame with curiosity. He had been too young, the Christmas before, to think of looking for hidden presents, but now he looked everywhere that he could imagine to look until his mother understood what he was doing and told him there was no use looking for it because the surprise wouldn’t be here until exactly when it came. He asked where was it, then, and heard his father’s sudden laugh; his mother looked panicky and cried, “Jay!” all at once, and quickly informed him, “In heaven; still up in heaven.”
He looked quickly to his father for corroboration and his father, who appeared to be embarrassed, did not look at him. He knew about heaven because that was where Our Father was, but that was all he knew about it, and he was not satisfied. Again, however, he had a feeling that he would be unwise to ask more.
“Why don’t you tell him, Mary?” his father said.
“Oh, Jay,” she said in alarm; then said, by moving her lips, “Don’t talk of it in front of him!”
“Oh, I’m sorry, ” and he, too, said with his lips—only a whisper leaked around the silence, “but what’s the good? Why not get it over with?”
She decided that it was best to speak openly. “As you know, Jay, I’ve told Rufus about our surprise that’s coming. I told him I’d be glad to tell him what it was, except that it would be so very hard for him to imagine it and such a lovely surprise when he first sees it. Besides, I just have a feeling he might m-make see-oh-en-en-ee-see-tee-eye-oh-en-ess, between—between one thing and another.”
“Going to make them, going to make em anyhow,” his father said.
“But Jay, there’s no use simply forcing it on his att-eigh-ten-ten, his attention, now, is there? Is there, Jay?”
She seemed really quite agitated, he could not understand why.
“You’re right, Mary, and don’t you get excited about it. I was all wrong about it. Of course I was. ” And he got up and came over to her and took her in his arms, and patted her on the back.
“I’m probably just silly about it,” she said.
“No, you’re not one bit silly. Besides, if you’re silly about that, so am I, some way. That just sort of caught me off my guard, that about heaven, that’sall.”
“Well, what can you say?”
“I’m Godd—I can’t imagine, sweetheart, and I better just keep my mouth shut. ”
She frowned, smiled, laughed through her nose and urgently shook her head at him, all at once.
And then one day without warning the biggest woman he had ever seen, shining deep black and all in magnificent white with bright gold spectacles and a strong smile like that of his Aunt Hannah, entered the house and embraced his mother and swept down on him crying with delight, “Lawd, chile, how mah baby has growed!”, and for a moment he thought that this must be the surprise and looked inquiringly at his mother past the onslaught of embraces, and his mother said, “Victoria; Victoria, Rufus!