A False Mirror - Charles Todd [1]
Dr. Beatie had said, “Stephen—you aren’t healed yet. Do you understand? Emotional distress could put you back here, in a worse state than before!”
Both of them knew it was a lie. There could be no worse state than the one he’d somehow, miraculously, survived. He had had to kill the Captain before Dr. Beatie could set him free. He wished now it had been Matthew Hamilton who had died.
He caught himself, knowing it was wrong to wish such a thing. But God, he was tired, and alone, and sometimes afraid. He wanted things the way they had been in 1914. Before the war—the trenches—the nightmares. Before Matthew Hamilton had walked into the clinic waiting room to comfort Felicity and told her—what? Lies? Or the sordid truth? That her fiancé was a coward.
After a time Stephen got out to crank the motorcar, the sound of the powerful engine roaring into life and filling the cold silence. He would freeze to death if he sat here, uselessly mourning.
Setting his teeth, he turned the motorcar and without looking again at the darkened house behind him, drove back the way he’d come.
He couldn’t see behind the silken white curtains that covered the window under the eaves a pale face staring out into the night, watching the puff of exhaust whip across the rear light, a wraith shielding its brightness until it was out of sight.
Matthew Hamilton rose early, quietly throwing back the bedclothes and the counterpane that covered him, then tucking the ends around his wife’s bare shoulder. Looking down at her, he marveled again at his luck. Then reminded himself that it wasn’t his luck at all, but someone else’s misfortune, that he had married this lovely, loving woman in his bed.
Wryly turning away, he dressed quickly and then set about making up the fire so that the room would be warm for her. When it was drawing well, he went down to the kitchen and blew the fire there into life for the kettle. While he waited for it to boil, he raised the shades and looked out at the clear, cold morning. The sun was not yet up, but a pale rose had begun to streak the winter-brown lawns spreading to the cliff face overlooking the sea. The water beyond was still, waiting for the sun, and farther out there was a soft mist blanketing it.
To the west, across the harbor below, the land rose up again, running out to a point a little higher than the one on which his house was set. The pair of headlands formed two arms embracing the Mole—the medieval stone pier that jutted out across the shingle to the tideline—creating a haven for shipping along England’s south coast in an age when sailing ships made Hampton Regis rich.
There had once been a watchtower on the far headland, built to keep an eye on Napoleon. Only ruins stood there now, overgrown at the base, a few feet of stone still reaching upward like pleading fingers.
Two days ago he’d seen a vixen and her kits romping there, and he’d been touched by their exuberance, wondering how any man could hunt them down. Farmers were often a backward lot, though it was an unkind thing to say. But foxes kept vermin down, and like the old owl in the belfry at the church, deserved a better character than they’d been given.
The kettle whistled behind him, startling him, and he moved quickly to lift it off the plate. He enjoyed these few minutes alone, before the maid arrived, before the house was a-bustle. He also enjoyed spoiling his wife, doing such small things for her pleasure. A far cry from his long years of exile in other countries, alone and often distrusted, the voice of London when often London had left him to his own devices. It was over, and he called himself happy.
Felicity was standing by the window when he brought her tea, her robe belted tightly about her waist.
“Watching for the foxes?” he asked. “They should be active again this morning.” He handed her a cup as she turned.
But she hadn’t been watching for the foxes. He could see that in her face. Why was love so perceptive? It would be better off blind, he thought, pretending