A Forest of Stars - Kevin J. Anderson [88]
His shoulders slumped and he heaved a long, heavy sigh, and he knew he was about to lose her once and for all. “And I don’t want you to. In fact, if I had the chance right now, I’d probably strangle him.”
She gave him a wan smile. “I’d rather you didn’t.”
“But you have to face reality, Cesca. You’re the Speaker of all clans. Reynald will be the leader of all Theroc, including the green priests and the worldforest. This Guiding Star is clear.”
“I know that, Jess—but I love you. This isn’t just a…a business meeting.”
He gave her a stern look. “Cesca, if you could just cast aside the greater good of every Roamer, if you could think only of your own wishes and ignore your obligations, then you wouldn’t be the woman I love.”
Though distracted, he continued to fly the grappler pod through the hazardous debris around the shipyards. The challenge helped him to keep his troubled despair in check. They both saw the Guiding Star in this situation.
She stared out at the stars. “I’ll resign as Speaker before I marry him, Jess. We’ll let someone else take on the responsibility—”
“Who?” Anger edged into his voice now. “Speaker Okiah trusted you. All the clans trust you. And who else can make this alliance with Theroc? You can’t leave the Roamers adrift. You’ve got to be there to see us through these times.” As he said the indisputable words, he realized that just by telling her this—by speaking it out loud—he had made it real and unavoidable.
Jess watched her search for some legitimate argument, some way to convince him that she must decline Reynald’s proposal. He held up a hand. His heart railed against his own words, but he knew he had to say them. “Do I need to remind you how often you’ve told me that we must live our lives for a purpose greater than ourselves? If we didn’t care about the good of our people, the two of us could have gotten married years ago and run off to live on Plumas.”
“Maybe we should have,” she said, but she knew she didn’t mean it, couldn’t mean it. Until now, even she hadn’t understood how deep her love for Jess ran.
They continued to argue, but all the possible solutions seemed selfish and forced. Jess stood firm, and he knew she could see he was right. What advice would she have given to someone else in her same position? The answer was obvious, according to all she had been taught, all she believed, and Cesca seemed to be surprised at her unwillingness to give up her dreams of happiness with Jess. Was that so much to ask?
Finally, as the grappler pod docked in the main Osquivel habitation, he said, “Cesca, you know what you have to do.”
When she visited the shipyards, Cesca moved like a person only half alive. She planned to stay long enough to watch the launch of the new nebula skimmers; then she would return to Rendezvous and get back to work. Why couldn’t the former Speaker Jhy Okiah have picked someone else for the job?
But that wasn’t what Cesca wanted. Those who lived quiet lives, normal lives, might occasionally dream of finding themselves in positions of importance and power—but most of them would gladly exchange that greatness to have their comfort back. Cesca, despite her torn heart, had no alternative but to pay that price. It was her Guiding Star. It was her foundation. She had to come to terms with her situation, accept her losses, no matter what they might be.
Jess avoided her, knowing that he could not help with this. His close presence would only make the decision harder. This was a rational, political choice that needed to be made with cool heads, not aching hearts. Their souls were bound together no matter what. That would never change.
But Jess knew one way to make this easier for her.
Del Kellum was astonished when the young man met him at the launching docks. “I want to sign on aboard one of the new skimmers, Del. Yank one of the pilots; send him on the next one. But I need to depart now. If I don’t go…Cesca will be distracted, tempted to make a decision for all the wrong reasons.”
“This is ill-advised, Jess.” Kellum seemed to