A Girl's Guide to Guns and Monsters - Martin Harry Greenberg [63]
Wan stiffened.
“Er . . .” I quickly turned the pages. “Look, here is a summary of the history and an explanation of a some new spells . . .” This wasn’t going the way I had planned. Especially when the next few pages listed stats and hit dice for the various avatars.
Wan crossed his paws over his chest and gave me a flat look. “And where are the combat statistics for Holy Mary, Mother of God?”
I closed the book, and shoved it back into the box. “Okay, bad idea.”
“Perhaps instead we could use original source materials,” Wan said firmly. “I have many scrolls and—”
I stood up and reached for one of the beams as I headed to the stairs. “Hey, Wan. Remember what I told you about Wikipedia?”
I’d forgotten that we hadn’t cleaned up the office.
Wan’s small library, which sat on the top of my computer hutch, was a mess. His tiny white scrolls, tied with red ribbons were scattered about the teak floor. Wan jumped from my shoulder to the hutch, placed his sword on its rack, and started to pick them up, using paws and tail. The whole prehensile thing still freaked me out, but in comparison to evil possums, it didn’t rate a second glance.
I sighed and looked at my computer. I’d used my ergonomic keyboard to whack at the rats and it cracked right in half. I might have an old one in the closet, but my wrists would let me know fast if I used it for any length of time. Lovely. I’d have to order a new one. I dug out the info as Wan was muttering curses to himself. I snorted as I dialed, resigning myself to dealing with New Delhi and an hour on hold.
I got American English. I almost dropped the phone.
“Oh no, ma’am.” The clear voice chirped. “Your keyboard is covered completely by the warranty. I’ll have a new one overnighted to you immediately.”
“What’s that cost?”
“No cost, ma’am. Part of the service on your account. Has your address changed?”
“No-no . . .”
“You will receive it by early morning delivery tomorrow. Anything else I can help you with, ma’am?”
I stared at the dial tone coming out of the handset.
There was a soft cough, and I looked up to see Wan facing me, a scroll in his hands.
“Wan, the strangest thing . . .”
“What is needed will be provided, Wise One.” Wan’s eyes were gleaming with excitement.
“Really?” I thought about that for a moment. “Because I really need to lose weight.”
Wan sighed. “What is needed, Kate. There is a difference between needs and desires.” Wan held up the scroll, letting it unroll to dangle before me. “As K’ung Fu-tzu says—”
I squinted at the scroll. “That’s Lao Tzu, not Confucius.”
Wan smiled. “You are certain?”
“Wan,” I growled. “It’s the Tao Te Ching, Chapter 1. ‘The way that can be spoken of is not the constant way.’ ” I rolled my eyes. “Which is not particularly helpful, if you ask me.”
Wan rolled up the scroll looking rather smug.
“Wait,” I considered my self-satisfied little scholarly friend. “I didn’t think you wrote in English.”
“I do not,” Wan said, turning to replace the scroll. “It would appear that you can now read the original source materials.”
Oh, hell. His miniature library was stuffed to the gills with those tiny scrolls. “Wan, I am not reading—”
“Oh, but you are.” Wan said over his shoulder. “The more you read and learn, the less your adversary will know.”
Crap.
Itty came into the room, yawning and stretching. Bitty was right behind her, making the familiar whining sound. I reached down to pet them both. “Need to go out, my babies?”
They both barked, and raced for the living room.
“Wait for me, Kate.” Wan picked up his sword and slung it over his shoulder, then leapt for mine.
“The doctor warded the backyard, Wan.” But I waited until he was on my shoulder until I headed for the great room.
“Still, we should have a care,” Wan said. “Once the foe knows that you have taken on the role of Wise One, their anger will be a thousandfold.”
I slid open the glass door and the dogs raced out ahead of us. The day had been a nice one, but the clouds had gathered now, dark and heavy, and the breeze was picking up. I grabbed