A Hat Full Of Sky - Terry Pratchett [22]
There was a sliding noise and a tinkle exactly like the tinkle a spoon makes when it’s put back among the other spoons, who have missed it and are anxious to hear its tales of life among the frighteningly pointy people.
This time she put a knife in with the forks, shut the drawer—and leaned on it.
Nothing happened for a while, and then she heard the cutlery rattling. The noise got louder. The drawer began to shake. The whole sink began to tremble—
“All right,” said Tiffany, jumping back. “Have it your way!”
The drawer burst open, the knife jumped from section to section like a fish, and the drawer slammed back.
Silence.
“Who are you?” said Tiffany. No one replied. But she didn’t like the feeling in the air. Someone was upset with her now. It had been a silly trick, anyway.
She went out into the garden quickly. The rushing noise she had heard last night was made by a waterfall not far from the cottage. A little waterwheel pumped water into a big stone cistern, and there was a pipe that led into the house.
The garden was full of ornaments. They were rather sad, cheap ones—bunny rabbits with crazy grins, pottery deer with big eyes, gnomes with pointy red hats and expressions that suggested they were on bad medication.
Things hung from the apple trees or were tied to posts all around the place. There were some dream catchers and curse nets, which she sometimes saw hanging up outside cottages at home. Other things looked like big shambles, spinning and tinkling gently. Some…well, one looked like a bird made out of old brushes, but most looked like piles of junk. Odd junk, though. It seemed to Tiffany that some of it moved slightly as she went past.
When she went back into the cottage, Miss Level was sitting at the kitchen table.
So was Miss Level. There were, in fact, two of her.
“Sorry,” said the Miss Level on the right. “I thought it was best to get it over with right now.”
The two women were exactly alike. “Oh, I see,” said Tiffany. “You’re twins.”
“No,” said the Miss Level on the left, “I’m not. This might be a little difficult—”
“—for you to understand,” said the other Miss Level. “Let me see, now. You know—”
“—how twins are sometimes said to be able to share thoughts and feelings?” said the first Miss Level.
Tiffany nodded.
“Well,” said the second Miss Level, “I’m a bit more complicated than that, I suppose, because—”
“—I’m one person with two bodies,” said the first Miss Level, and now they spoke like players in a tennis match, slamming the words back and forth.
“I wanted to break this to you—”
“—gently, because some people get upset by the—”
“—idea and find it creepy or—”
“—just plain—”
“—weird.”
The two bodies stopped.
“Sorry about that last sentence,” said the Miss Level on the left. “I only do that when I’m really nervous.”
“Er, do you mean that you both—” Tiffany began, but the Miss Level on the right said quickly, “There is no both. There’s just me, do you understand? I know it’s hard. But I have a right right hand and a right left hand and a left right hand and a left left hand. It’s all me. I can go shopping and stay home at the same time, Tiffany. If it helps, think of me as one—”
“—person with four arms and—”
“—four legs and—”
“—four eyes.”
All four of those eyes now watched Tiffany nervously.
“And two noses,” said Tiffany.
“That’s right. You’ve got it. My right body is slightly clumsier than my left body, but I have better eyesight in my right pair of eyes. I’m human, just like you, except that there’s more of me.”
“But one of you—that is, one half of you—came all the way to Twoshirts for me,” said Tiffany.
“Oh yes, I can split up like that,” said Miss Level. “I’m quite good at it. But if there’s a gap of more than twenty miles or so, I get rather clumsy. And now a cup of tea would do us both good, I think.”
Before Tiffany could move, both the Miss Levels stood up and crossed the kitchen.
Tiffany watched one person make a cup of tea using four arms.
There are quite