A Hat Full Of Sky - Terry Pratchett [28]
“Ye’ll stay? Ye’ll abide by my word?” said Jeannie, sniffing.
Rob sighed. “Aye. I will.”
Jeannie was quiet for a while and then said, in the sharp cold voice of a kelda: “Rob Anybody Feegle, I’m tellin’ ye now to go and save the big wee hag.”
“Whut?” said Rob Anybody, amazed. “Jus’ noo ye said I was tae stay—”
“That was as your wife, Rob. Now I’m telling you as your kelda.” Jeannie stood up, chin out and looking determined. “If ye dinna heed the world o’ yer kelda, Rob Anybody Feegle, ye can be banished fra’ the clan. Ye ken that. So you’ll listen t’ me guid. Tak’ what men you need afore it’s too late, and go to the mountains, and see that the big wee girl comes tae nae harm. And come back safe yoursel’. That is an order! Nay, ’tis more’n an order. ’Tis a geas I’m laying on ye! That cannae be brake!”
“But I—” Rob began, completely bewildered.
“I’m the kelda, Rob,” said Jeannie. “I canna run a clan with the Big Man pinin’. And the hills of our children need their hag. Everyone knows the land needs someone tae tell it whut it is.”
There was something about the way Jeannie had said “children.” Rob Anybody was not the fastest of thinkers, but he always got there in the end.
“Aye, Rob,” said Jeannie, seeing his expression. “Soon I’ll be birthing seven sons.”
“Oh,” said Rob Anybody. He didn’t ask how she knew the number. Keldas just knew.
“That’s great!” he said.
“And one daughter, Rob.”
Rob blinked.
“A daughter? This soon?”
“Aye,” said Jeannie.
“That’s wonderful good luck for a clan!” said Rob.
“Aye. So you’ve got something to come back safe to me for, Rob Anybody. An’ I beg ye to use your heid for somethin’ other than nuttin’ folk.”
“I thank ye, Kelda,” said Rob Anybody. “I’ll do as ye bid. I’ll tak’ some lads and find the big wee hag, for the good o’ the hills. It canna be a good life for the puir wee big wee thing, all alone and far fra’ home, among strangers.”
“Aye,” said Jeannie, turning her face away. “I ken that, too.”
CHAPTER 4
The PLN
At dawn Rob Anybody, watched with awe by his many brothers, wrote the word:
PLN
…on a scrap of paper bag. Then he held it up.
“Plan, ye ken,” he said to the assembled Feegles. “Now we have a Plan, all we got tae do is work out what tae do. Yes, Wullie?”
“Whut was that about this geese Jeannie hit ye with?” said Daft Wullie, lowering his hand.
“Not geese, geas,” said Rob Anybody. He sighed. “I told yez. That means it’s serious. It means I got tae bring back the big wee hag, an’ no excuses, otherwise my soul gaes slam-bang intae the big cludgie in the sky. It’s like a magical order. ’Tis a heavy thing, tae be under a geas.”
“Well, they’re big birds,” said Daft Wullie.
“Wullie,” said Rob, patiently, “ye ken I said I would tell ye when there wuz times you should’ve kept your big gob shut?”
“Aye, Rob.”
“Weel, that wuz one o’ them times.” He raised his voice. “Now, lads, ye ken all aboot hivers. They cannae be killed! But ’tis oor duty to save the big wee hag, so this is, like, a sooey-side mission and ye’ll probably all end up back in the land o’ the living doin’ a borin’ wee job. So…I’m askin’ for volunteers!”
Every Feegle over the age of four automatically put his hand up.
“Oh, come on,” said Rob. “You canna all come! Look, I’ll tak’…Daft Wullie, Big Yan, and…you, Awf’ly Wee Billy Bigchin. An’ I’m takin’ no weans, so if yez under three inches high, ye’re not comin’! Except for ye, o’course, Awf’ly Wee Billy. As for the rest of youse, we’ll settle this the traditional Feegle way. I’ll tak’ the last fifty men still standing!”
He beckoned the chosen three to a place in the corner of the mound while the rest of the crowd squared up cheerfully. A Feegle liked to face enormous odds all by himself, because it meant you didn’t have to look where you were hitting.
“She’s more’n a hundret miles awa’,” said Rob as the big fight started. “We canna run it—’tis too far. Any of youse scunners got any ideas?”
“Hamish can get there on his buzzard,” said Big Yan, stepping aside as a cluster of punching,