A Hole in the Universe - Mary McGarry Morris [150]
“No!” He was embarrassed. “Should I call and have him come back?”
“Just do it next time. Um, smells good.” Delores followed him into the kitchen. “What kind is it?”
“Pepperoni and cheese.”
“Oh, I love pepperoni.” She leaned over the box and inhaled deeply.
He offered her some, then was annoyed when she accepted. She curled the slice and ate it like a sandwich. Sauce leaked onto her silk shirt, and there was a ridge of cheese under her thumbnail. She wet the corner of a dish towel and scrubbed the stain, spreading it to an orangy smear, then hung the towel back up. He took it down and rinsed it in cold water.
“I can’t believe we ate that whole pizza.” She stuffed the empty box into the trash.
“I know.” He took it out and folded it to take up less room. “I usually save two slices for lunch at work.” He hated himself for her crestfallen look.
“Oh. The two slices I just ate. Now I feel guilty.”
“No, don’t. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. Really.”
Yes, you did, her stare said. “I annoy the hell out of you, don’t I, Gordon.”
“No! Really. I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t know why I did.” He felt horrible.
“Because it was the truth. And that’s okay. But what’s not is setting me up just to shoot me down.” She smiled, but her eyes blistered with tears.
“No! I wasn’t doing that. I—”
“That’s all right. People have been doing that to me all my life. I guess I’m just one big, easy target.” She wiped her eyes, then blew her nose in the greasy napkin, and he forced himself not to look away. “You know what else my sister said? That the agency probably won’t even approve me. Then she says the only reason she’s telling me is so I wouldn’t be absolutely devastated when it happens.” She shook her head and closed her eyes. “But I will be. I know I will.”
“They’ll approve you. Of course they will. Why wouldn’t they?” She still hadn’t looked up. “Because of you, she said. Because you’re my friend.”
“Well, then . . . well, then maybe we shouldn’t be friends.” Saying it sucked every molecule of oxygen from his lungs. He felt weak.
She nodded. “Maybe not for a while, anyway. At least not until I’m approved. Or maybe I should wait until she’s here, you know, with me, and it’s all finalized. Do you know what I mean?”
“Yes, I know what you mean. I understand. Yes, of course.” But he didn’t, instead felt it again, anger so foreign it felt like a growth in his chest. “But it’s not just me you should worry about, but Smick, that boss of yours. Being with a married man won’t help your cause now, will it?”
Her cheeks flared as red as if they’d been slapped. “That’s been over for a while now. And just so you’ll know, I’m very ashamed of that.”
You should be, he thought as the door closed quietly behind her.
The phone rang moments after he got into bed.
“Hello?”
“Oh, Gordon. Darn, I was just going to hang up. I woke you up, didn’t I,” Lisa whispered as if he still might be sleeping.
“No, I wasn’t asleep.” He was disappointed. He’d been sure it was Delores.
“Well, the reason I’m calling so late is that my mom and dad just left. They’d come by for dinner, and all Daddy could talk about was you and what a great job you were doing, and how much your supervisor likes you. He said every single day without fail you do the work of ten men, and I thought to myself, I’ll bet no one’s told you, and so that’s why I’m calling, just to tell you how happy I am and how . . . how proud I am of you.”
“Thank you.”
“And Dennis is, too, Gordon. But he’s having a hard time right now. A really hard time.”
“Is he all right? He’s not sick or anything, is he?”
“I don’t know. He just seems so flat. So distant. He comes home from work, then just sits in the dark listening to music until it’s time for bed. And then he only sleeps for an hour or two.”
“What do you think is wrong?”
“Us, I think.”
He didn’t know what to say. The silence roared in his ear.
“Would you come and see him? I think he needs that right now. I think it would help.”
He went downstairs and sat on the couch. He remembered the Christmas morning he’d walked in here and found