A Hole in the Universe - Mary McGarry Morris [162]
“How long?”
“Three months, anyway.”
“Jesus Christ!” She felt as if she’d been punched in the stomach. What would three more months of drugs do to the baby? And to her? “She can’t wait that long! She’ll be dead!” Having actually said it, she was limp with the certainty. Sometimes in the night she woke up afraid to move, afraid to feel a corpse at her back. “There must be some other places,” she said weakly. “Someplace she can get in faster.”
“Well, yes, private centers, hospitals, but she’d have to pay. We’re state funded, so here it’s—”
“Can’t you just put her name high up on the list? I wouldn’t tell anyone, I swear.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t do that. It wouldn’t be fair.”
“Fuck fair! They’re all out there getting their fucking shit and she’s not gonna make it! She’s not!”
“I’m sorry, Jana, now you just calm down. You have to understand that those people also had to wait. It’s just the way things are.”
She couldn’t believe that, couldn’t quit, couldn’t just give up and say, I’m nothing because no one cares, and that’s just the way things are. She closed her eyes. “Please? Will you please help her?”
“That’s the other thing, Jana. You’d have to bring her in here. It’s got to be voluntary. She has to want the help. It’s the only way this works.”
“She does, but she can’t. She’s too sick.” She looked at him. “She’s pregnant.”
“Or it could be mandated by the courts.”
“How does that work?” she asked, stiffening with his answer: If her aunt were arrested, then she could be ordered into treatment. She nodded dully as he handed her brochures and a list of hot-line numbers, some for emergencies, others informational.
“Jana?” He patted her hand and tried to make eye contact. “Sometimes we have to hurt people before we can help them.”
She grabbed his hand and leaned over the desk. “Whatever you want, I don’t care, I’ll do it, anything. I’m really good! Anything you want,” she said, feeling her face break into a thousand pieces as she tried to smile. “Just move her up the list, that’s all.”
“No.” He shook his head with a futile sadness. “No, that’s not what I meant.”
She dropped the brochures onto the desk and left.
Feaster waited in the Navigator while Polie came to the door. She had to do a deal down by the canal. It was a guy and a girl. They were on their way there right now in a gray Volvo, so she had to hurry. No, she said. She didn’t feel like it. She was too tired. She started to close the door, and he pulled it open.
“This is big and Feaster don’t wanna lose it. They’re down from Portland.”
“Yeah.” She laughed. “Like I care, right?” Her mother had been up all night, crying and saying she was so sick she just wanted to die. Jada didn’t dare leave her alone for fear she’d take off and be gone again for days. Little by little her mother was getting clean. But it was taking its toll, leaving her weak from all the vomiting. A little while ago she’d been burning up with a fever.
“Come on!” he said with a glance at the Navigator. “Now! There’s ten other places they can go.” He sounded frantic.
“No. Not unless you tell me where Leonardo is.”
“Leonardo?” he said in a high voice. “Who the fuck’s Leonardo?”
“My dog. You took him, didn’t you.”
“Jada?” her mother called from inside. “Who’s that? Who’s out there?”
“Just a minute, Ma!”
“Is that Polie? I gotta see Polie.”
“Don’t fuck with me. I don’t want her out here. Not now.” He glanced down. Feaster waved for him to hurry. “Come on!”
“Then pay me. In cash,” she whispered back, seizing on his desperation. “We need money bad. There’s no food here, and she’s really sick.”
“You know he won’t. She already owes him too much.”
“Too bad, then. I’m not doing it.”
“Take the rocks, the extra, what you get for her, and sell ’em.”
“Oh, yeah. And then I’ll be a big fucking dealer like you, Polie.” She laughed. “I don’t think so! Hey, you better go. Feaster’s got his door open.”
“Here.” He handed her a ten-dollar bill.
“That’s not enough.”
He gave her another ten. “That’s all I got.”
She ran inside, but her mother had fallen asleep or passed out,