A Lion's Tale_ Around the World in Spandex - Chris Jericho [153]
The whole angle culminated with a battle royal at a PPV in Worcester, Massachusetts, where I was immediately going to wrestle the winner for my cruiserweight title. I grabbed a mike and insulted the contestants as they made their way to the ring like I was hosting the Ugly Miss America Pageant.
“Here comes Silver King...with another 20,000 frequent flyer points, he’ll be upgraded to Gold King. This is Billy Kidman...in a few more years he’ll be twenty-one and will change his name to Billy Manman. Here is Juan Epstein’s little brother el Dandy...and he’s pissed!”
I was the Henny Youngman (dated reference #2) of wrestling.
Since there were only a few cruiserweights with any credibility, the majority of the combatants were jobbers that had little name value such as Lizmark, Lenny Lane, Ciclope, and el Grillo. El Grillo meant cricket in Spanish and was a character created by Dean and me as an inside joke on Eddy. He was infamous in the locker room for slapping his burrito on his inner thigh, making a sound resembling a cricket. Or so he claimed.
At the end of the battle royal, Juvie and Ciclope were the final two in the ring. Ciclope was low on the totem pole and it was surprising he’d lasted that long. Everyone assumed Juvie was going to be the victor.
But Juvie jumped out of the ring on his own, which left Ciclope as the winner. I ran into the ring to attack him from behind, but before I could, Ciclope pulled off his mask and revealed Dean Malenko.
The crowd went completely insane. It was one of the top three loudest reactions I’ve ever experienced during the course of my wrestling career and I’ve been in the ring with Steve Austin and The Rock at their peaks. When Dean took that mask off, it was one the most electric moments of my life. It was the biggest reaction on the PPV, nWo or no nWo.
Dean turned around and stared at me. Everyone in the crowd remembered my digs at his name, his gimmick, and his family. With each passing second, the anticipation built until he finally hit me and the shit was on.
He totally dominated me and three minutes later he was the new champ. I don’t think I’m out of line saying it was the apex of both our careers in WCW.
A few weeks later Nitro was in Washington, D.C., and Terry wanted me at the arena early to film a vignette. I had no idea what they had in mind for me to do, but in classic WCW fashion neither did they. Nobody on the crew was quite sure either, so I took charge and mapped out a plan.
In what ended up being my WCW comedic masterpiece, we spent the day filming me trying to get reprisal for the horrible conspiracy committed against me by the evil Dean Malenko.
I scoured the Library of Congress looking for the official WCW rulebook. Then I stood on the streets of D.C. in a suit and tie holding a sign that said CONSPIRACY VICTIM with an arrow pointing down at my head. I tried to get into the White House but was sternly turned down for real by Secret Service agents who were not interested in being on TV. It culminated with my pleading my case to an actual conspiracy theorist who lived on the White House lawn.
“Dean Malenko was illegally registered in the battle royal and entered under false pretenses. Under those conditions, there is no way his victory should stand up in court.” She listened intently and advised me that I had a chance due to the legal precedent set in the 1967 Vandalay v. Mandelbaum case or something along those lines.
The video was edited down to three minutes and made me look like the most pathetic crybaby on the planet. It also made me look like an entertaining mofo. Go to YouTube and check it out...you won’t regret it.
I continued to complain at every opportunity about the atrocities committed against me for the next few months. I read a letter on Nitro from Ted Turner himself that started off sympathetic to my cause but ended up with him admonishing me for my complaining and rescinding his invitation to go fishing with him in