A Little Book of Eternal Wisdom [43]
Alas, the repentance and free conversion of him who is capable of right
doing, what a sure thing you are! He who puts you off will hardly fail of
being himself put off. O long protraction of my amendment, how much too
protracted hast thou not proved! My good intentions without works, my good
promises without performance, have ruined me. I have said to God, Tomorrow
and tomorrow, till I am fallen into the night of death. O Thou Almighty God,
is it not a misery above all miseries, ought it not deeply to afflict me,
that I should thus have lost the whole of my life, my thirty, my forty
years? I know not that I ever spent a day wholly according to God's will, or
that I ever rendered to God, as in reason I ought to have done, a truly
acceptable service. Oh, how the thought cuts me to the heart! O God, how
wretchedly shall I not stand before Thee and the whole heavenly host! Lo,
now I am departing hence; and now, even at this hour, a single Pater Noster,
uttered with devotion, would rejoice me more than if anyone were to put into
my hands a thousand pounds of gold. Ah, my God, what have I not eternally
neglected, what evil have I not inflicted on myself in not having seen this
while it was in my power! What hours upon hours have escaped me! How have I
allowed myself to be led wrong by small things in the great affair of my
salvation! It would now be more agreeable to me, and would procure me more
eternal reward if, from divine love, I had foregone the pleasure I took at
the sight of a friend, when such pleasure was contrary to God's will, than
if that friend were to demand a reward for me from God thirty years long on
his knees. Hear, hear, all men, a lamentable thing: I go begging round and
round, because my time is short, and beg a small alms out of the merits of
good people as an expiation for myself, and it is refused me; for they are
all afraid lest they should want oil in their lamps. Alas, Thou God of
Heaven, let this move Thy compassion, that with my healthy body I could have
earned such great reward and wealth on so many a day when I went about idle,
and that now this small alms, begged only as an expiation, not as a reward,
for which, moreover, I should stand indebted, no one will give me. Oh, let
this, ye old and young, go to your hearts, and hoard up in the good season
while ye can, so that ye may not become beggars, and be denied in an hour
like this.
The Servant.--Alas, my dear friend, thy distress rends my very heart.
By the living God, I conjure thee, give me some advice so that I may not
come into trouble.
The unprepared dying man.--The best advice I can give thee, the
greatest wisdom and prudence on earth, is this: That thou prepare thyself by
a full confession of and an abstinence from all those things with which thou
knowest thyself to be infected, and that thou hold thyself at all times
ready, as though thou shouldst have to depart hence in a day, or at latest
in a week. Imagine now, in thy heart, that thy soul is in Purgatory, and
doomed to remain there ten years for her evil deeds, and that this year
alone is granted thee to help her in. Look at her very often, see how
woefully she calls out to thee and speaks to thee: O thou my best beloved
friend, reach me thy hand, have pity on me, and help me to pray that I may
speedily come out of this raging fire of Purgatory, for I am so miserable,
that there is nobody, except thee alone, to help me ;with charitable works.
I am forgotten by all the world, because every one is busy about himself.
The Servant.--This were a choice doctrine for whoever might actually
feel it like Thee in their hearts. But though Thy words are so piercing, yet
do people sit here and give little heed to them; they have ears and hear
not; they have eyes and see not; no one will really die before his soul
departs out of him.
The unprepared dying man.--Wherefore, when at last they are caught on
the hook of death, and cry aloud in woeful distress and cruel pain, they are
not heard. Lo, even as among a hundred persons