A Man Without a Country - Kurt Vonnegut [0]
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A Man without a Country
KURT VONNEGUT
Edited by DANIEL SIMON
SEVEN STORIES PRESS
New York • London • Melbourne • Toronto
Copyright © 2005 by Kurt Vonnegut
Portions of the text of A Man without a Country appeared originally in In These Times magazine. The author’s editor there, Joel Bleifuss, provided crucial editorial support of this project throughout. The pieces that appeared in the magazine then became the most visited parts of the In These Times website in the history of that publication.
Others who helped make this book a reality were Don Farber, Jill Krementz, David Shanks of Viking Penguin, and, at Seven Stories Press, Dan Simon, Jon Gilbert and Chris Peterson.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, by any means, including mechanical, electric, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Vonnegut, Kurt.
A man without a country/Kurt Vonnegut;
edited by Daniel Simon—1st ed.
p. cm.
ISBN: 978-0-81297-736-3
1. Vonnegut, Kurt.
2. Authors, American—20th century—Biography.
3. United States—Politics and government—2001—
1. Simon, Daniel, 1957-11. Title.
PS3572.O5Z473 2005
813’.54—dc22
2005014967
CONTENTS
1
As a kid I was the youngest
2
Do you know what a twerp is?
3
Here is a lesson in creative writing
4
I’m going to tell you some news
5
Okay, now let’s have some fun
6
I have been called a Luddite
7
I turned eighty-two on November 11
8
Do you know what a humanist is?
9
Do unto others
10
A sappy woman from Ypsilanti
11
Now then, I have some good news
12
I used to be the owner and manager of an automobile dealership
Requiem
Author’s Note
ILLUSTRATIONS
There Is No Reason
I Want All Things to Make Some Sense
Funniest Joke in the World
Man in Hole
Boy Meets Girl
Cinderella
Kafka
Hamlet
I Don’t Know About You
That’s How We Got Giraffes
We are Here on Earth to Fart Around
Do You Think Arabs Are Dumb?
The Highest Treason in the USA
We Do, Doodley Do
That’s the End of Good News
What Can It Possibly Be
Life is No Way to Treat an Animal
Peculiar Travel Suggestions
Saab Dealership Self-portrait
My Father Said, “When in Doubt, Castle”
1
As a kid I was the youngest member of my family, and the youngest child in any family is always a jokemaker, because a joke is the only way he can enter into an adult conversation. My sister was five years older than I was, my brother was nine years older than I was, and my parents were both talkers. So at the dinner table when I was very young, I was boring to all those other people. They did not want to hear about the dumb childish news of my days. They wanted to talk about really important stuff that happened in high school or maybe in college or at work. So the only way I could get into a conversation was to say something funny. I think I must have done it accidentally