A Million Little Pieces - James Frey [122]
Welcome to your first Group Session at the Family Program.
There are nods, a couple People say thank you.
What we’re going to do in this session is introduce ourselves and ask each other questions. Family Members often ask those of us in recovery about what we do or why we do what we do or what it feels like to do it, those of us in recovery often ask Family Members how our actions affect them or how they feel when they’re dealing with us or why they deal with us in the ways they do or why they deal with us at all. You should feel free to ask whatever you want, as long as it’s not intended to hurt someone’s feelings. I’ll start with the introductions.
She smiles.
My name is Sophie, and I’m an Addict and an Alcoholic.
Everyone says Hello, Sophie. The man sitting next to her smiles, speaks.
I’m Tony, and I’m the Husband of an Alcoholic.
Everyone says Hello, Tony, and the introductions move around the Room. Mother of a Heroin Addict, Meth Addict, Wife of a Crack Addict, Alcoholic, Son and Daughter of an Alcoholic, Vicadin Addict, Pregnant Wife of a Crack Addict. There are all types of relations, all types of Addicts and Alcoholics. After the introductions, the questions are supposed to start. At first, no one speaks. People stare at the floor, stare at their hands, stare at each other. There are awkward smiles and frustrated sighs. After a few moments, a man who identified himself as a Meth Addict asks how long this session is going to last. Everyone laughs. A woman who identified herself as the Wife of an Alcoholic asks the same thing. How long does this last? Sophie smiles and asks her if she’s referring to addiction. The woman nods and says yes. Sophie says addiction lasts a lifetime. It lasts a lifetime.
From there the questions start to flow. How does it feel to be Addicted to something. Horrible. Why does it feel that way. Because we know what we’re doing to ourselves and what we’re doing to you and we can’t stop doing it. What does it feel like when you want it. Need, overwhelming need, uncontrollable need, unimaginable need. What does it feel like when you get it. Relief, followed by horror, followed by more need. Why can’t you stop. I don’t know. Why can’t you stop. I don’t know. Why can’t you stop. I don’t know.
There are other simpler, more technical questions. What is crack and how do you use it. Crack is cocaine cooked with ethyl alcohol, gas and baking powder. We smoke it with a pipe. Where do you buy heroin and how much does it cost. You buy heroin from a dealer and it is very expensive. What is meth and how is it made. Meth is speed and it is made by cooking asthma medicine called ephedrine, formaldehyde, sometimes gas or fertilizer, and baking powder. What does it do to you. Robs you of your heart, robs you of your soul, takes away the ability and the desire to eat and to sleep, robs you of your sanity.
The Addicts and Alcoholics give straight, simple answers. We ask no questions. Unlike the Family Members, we already know the answers. We fuck up your lives. We ruin every single one of your days. We are your worst nightmare. You don’t know what to do with us. You’re at the end of your rope. You don’t know what to do. You’re at the end of your fucking rope. You don’t know what to do.
At the end of the Session, Sophie asks everyone to join hands. An intimacy has developed and we do so eagerly. She has us recite a poem that she calls the Serenity Prayer. She says a line and we follow. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. She smiles we smile everyone smiles. When we finish saying the prayer, she has us do it again. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. She has us do it again and again.
When she stands, everyone else stands. She tells us we’re finished and everyone starts hugging each other. There are hugs sealing the bonds hugs healing the wounds