A Million Little Pieces - James Frey [172]
Because that book says so?
No, because my belief in this book says so.
I don’t believe in it, so I’m not bound by its Rules.
Whose Rules are you bound by?
My own.
And what are those?
Just one rule: Don’t do it. No matter what happens, no matter how bad I want it, don’t do it.
You think that’s gonna work?
I do.
In the long term?
I do.
I tried that way.
How’d it go?
I failed three times with it.
What happened?
I was Addicted to speed. I’d use, go to a Treatment Center, get some days under my belt, refuse to listen to what I was being told. I thought I was stronger than my addiction, and when I got out, the first time I was near it, I used it.
How’d you get sober?
I finally gave up. I came here, I listened, I did what I was told, I turned my will over to God as I understand him, I worked the Twelve Steps. That’s what saved me.
That’s a good thing.
Yeah, it was.
He smiles, looks at me for a moment. He looks down at his book and back at me.
I didn’t think you would do it last night.
No?
I hear a lot of shit talking in here, and most of it turns out be just that, shit talking.
I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I hadn’t done something.
For whatever it’s worth, and considering our relationship up till now it might not be worth much, I’m proud of you.
Thank you.
I wouldn’t have been able to do it. I wouldn’t have gone after her, I wouldn’t have gone into that Bus Station, and I sure as hell wouldn’t have gone into that Building.
Why do you say that?
You risked your life last night, maybe in more ways than you know, to save someone else. I save People, or at least I try to save People, but it’s controlled and it functions under a System that doesn’t force me to risk anything. I don’t know what you saw last night, or who you dealt with, but I can imagine what it must have been like, and I know it wasn’t easy. I don’t think I would have done it.
I assume you risked your Job coming to pick me up.
Maybe, but I did it because if you were willing to risk what you did, risking my Job wasn’t that big a deal.
It was a big deal, and I owe you for it. I owe you huge.
You do two things and we’ll call it even.
What?
I’d like to get along for the rest of the time you’re here. I know I’m going to make an effort, I’d like you to also.
I smile.
No problem. What’s the second?
You said last night you were going to prove me wrong.
Yeah?
Do it. Prove me wrong.
I smile.
I’m sure as hell gonna try.
He stares at me.
Do more than try.
I stare back, nod.
I will.
He stands.
Shake my hand?
I stand.
Absolutely.
He reaches and I reach and our hands meet. We hold strong and firm we stare in each other’s eyes and there is a bond of respect. We let go and I speak.
Am I allowed to ask how she’s doing?
She’s okay.
What’s going to happen?
They’re going to keep her on the Medical Unit for today. She’ll start the Program over and work her way through it again. We’re trying to get hold of her Grandmother because our Rules state that when a Patient leaves, if they come back, they have to pay for another term. You’re still not allowed any contact with her, but I’ll give you updates if you want them.
I do.
Consider this your first.
If you see her, will you tell her I love her.
He smiles.
I will.
Thank you.
You should get back out.
Okay.
Come find me if you ever need anything.
I will. Thank you.
He nods.
Thank you.
I turn and I walk out. I walk down the short Hall and I walk into the Unit. The Group Session is breaking up, the men are starting to go to the Dining Hall for lunch. I see Leonard and Miles and we walk to the Dining Hall together. Along the way they ask me where I’ve been and I tell them and they are both stunned. By Lilly’s actions and by my actions, that I found her and I brought her back and that Lincoln and Hank helped me do it. They ask me if it was hard and I say yes. They ask if I would do it again and I say yes, and I would do the same for either of you. As we get our trays and our food, today’s special is Spanish rice and pork cutlets, they