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By Root 1056 0

caught when a Student at the University who was also a hooker recognized him and tried to blackmail him. He decided it was time to stop so he went to a Priest and he confessed. The Priest told him to tell his Wife and his Wife forgave him on the condition that he stop doing it. He couldn’t stop. He did it that day and again the next day. He left his Wife and he spent eight days in a cheap Motel with all of the hookers and crack that he could afford to buy. He smoked so much that he burned his mouth with his pipe. When he ran out of money he went home and his Wife was waiting for him. She called the Priest the same Priest. The Priest drove him here. He arrived four days ago and he has been at the Medical Unit being detoxified.

We laugh at him and we laugh at his story. At first he is angry and confused with us and our laughing, he doesn’t understand it. We continue to laugh. We start telling stories of our own. Matty talks about smoking with a hooker who burned his testicles with a butane torch. Ted talks about smoking with his Momma and going line-dancing with her while they were high. I talk about getting drunk with a hooker and passing out and waking up in an alley without my pants and without my shoes and finding my empty wallet jammed between my ass cheeks. We tell stories and we laugh at each other and Michael the Catholic comes to understand that we are not laughing at him, but with him. That we are the same as him and that we are as awful as he is and that we are not judging him. He starts laughing. We are all awful. It is easier to laugh at ourselves than cry at ourselves. We are all awful.

We finish eating and we put away our trays and we go to the Lecture. It is about drugs and alcohol in the Workplace. Michael is the only one of us who pays attention, the rest of us play cards. When the Lecture ends, Leonard gives envelopes to Matty and Ted and Miles. He tells them to open them after he’s gone. He tells me to meet him at his Room at eleven o’clock.

We walk out of the Lecture Hall and Joanne is waiting for me near the door. She asks me to come to her Office. We walk through the Halls and when we get there, she sits on the couch and I sit on the chair. We both light cigarettes. She speaks.

Heard you were in a Crackhouse the other night.

I was in a place where a bunch of people smoke crack, but it wasn’t a Crackhouse.

What’s the difference?

Crackhouses usually have a supply on hand and they’re usually run by someone and kept secure by them. This was just a deserted old Building where people go smoke.

What was it like?

It smelled bad.

That’s what you remember?

No.

She nods and she waits for me to offer more. When I don’t, she speaks.

Were you near it?

Yeah.

How close?

Touched it and could have done it.

Did you want to?

Very badly.

Why didn’t you?

I made a decision not to.

Simple as that?

Simple as that.

You make it sound easy.

It wasn’t.

You think you’ll be able to do it in the long term?

It’ll be harder than it was the other night, but I do.

Why will it be harder?

I love Lilly more than I love getting fucked up. That made the decision whether to help her or take care of myself an easy decision to make. When I’m alone with it, be it the rock or the bottle, it will be more about me and whether I want to take care of myself or not.

Which do you think it will be?

You know what I think.

She smiles.

I saw Lilly this morning.

Where?

I went down to the Medical Unit to check on her.

How is she?

All things considered, she’s good. I think she’s more worried and embarrassed than anything else.

What’s she worried about?

Her Grandmother, and finding the money to stay here.

Is there any kind of Aid she can get?

There is, though it usually takes a while to work it out. We’re trying to rush it through.

Will she get to stay?

I hope so.

What if she doesn’t?

I don’t know.

I look away. I stare out the window behind Joanne’s desk. It is bright and sunny outside, like a morning in Spring. A morning full of life, a morning full of new beginnings. I could still run. Run from jail and run from