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It comes and I keep my mouth closed and I breathe through my nose. I didn’t taste it on the way down, but I can taste it now. Rice and beans and pieces of fish and meat. Hot spices and hunks of bread.

I breathe through my nose and I rush toward the toilet. I try to swallow what’s in my mouth, but more is coming and forcing it forward. I start to choke. I push the Bathroom door open and I lean over and I flip the toilet seat up and I explode. Hard and fast. A steady stream. Over and over and over. It burns my face and my lips and the inside of my mouth. My heart sends messages through my ribs, left arm and jaw. My throat contracts, my stomach contracts. Over and over and over. Over and over and over.

The stream stops and I take a couple of deep breaths and I reach up and I flush the toilet and I stand and I walk over to the sink and I wash my face and I wash the remaining chunks out of my gums and my teeth and my throat and my nose and I take a long sip of cold water and I swallow it and it cools the burning.

My shirt is stained so I take it off and I go to my section of the Room and as I put on one of my nice new shirts, John opens the door and sticks his head inside.

James?

Yeah.

You have a phone call.

Who is it?

I don’t know, I didn’t answer it.

I’ll be right there.

I finish putting on the shirt and I walk back to the Phone Booth. I open the door and I sit down and I pick up the phone.

Hello?

A female voice.

Hi.

I know the voice, but can’t place it.

Who is this?

You don’t know?

No.

I’m hurt.

You shouldn’t be.

Did you have a nice day?

Who is this?

My Grandmother thought you were handsome.

I place the voice. I smile.

That was nice of her.

She said you had pretty eyes.

I wouldn’t know.

Why?

Long story.

How long?

Twenty-three years long.

That’s long.

Yeah.

A pause. I’m still smiling.

Well, I just called to tell you what my Grandmother said.

I’m glad you did.

I’ll see you tomorrow?

Probably.

Why probably?

Long story.

She laughs.

I hope I’ll see you tomorrow.

That would be nice.

Bye.

Thanks for calling.

Sure.

I hang up the phone and I stare at it and I’m still smiling. I stand and I open the door and I step out and I’m still smiling and I walk back toward my Room and John asks me if I want to play cards and I tell him I haven’t slept since yesterday and I’m tired but I’ll play another time and he says okay. I go back to my room and I’m still smiling and I climb into bed and I pick up the books my Brother gave me. War and Peace, Don Quixote, a book on Chinese Religion called Tao te Ching. I open War and Peace. I’m still smiling. I have read War and Peace before, but it is worth a second trip. I’m still smiling. I start reading. I can’t get through the first sentence. I’m still smiling. I haven’t slept in forty hours. I’m still smiling. I have fifteen minutes left. I’m still smiling.

My hand drops.

Still.

Eyes close.

Smiling.

Chapter 10

I wake and I go to the Bathroom and I take a shower and I wash my hair and I brush my teeth and I shave. I keep waiting to get sick, but I don’t. As I walk out of the bathroom, I stop and I stare at the toilet. The toilet has been my friend and my enemy every morning for as long as I can remember. It has been my receptacle, my support, the only thing besides myself that has known the true extent of my sickness. I’m tired of the toilet. I tell the toilet to go fuck itself. I give it the finger and I laugh at it. I leave the Bathroom.

I put on a set of nice, new, clean clothes. I put on my slippers. I go check the Job Board. My new assignment is coffee. I fill an industrial-size steel coffeepot and I turn it on and I make it sure it functions properly. When the coffee is ready, I pour myself a cup. I taste it and it tastes good. Coffee is much easier and more pleasant than the Group Toilets.

I walk to the Dining Hall. I get a bowl of cereal and a glass of orange juice and I look for a place to eat. I see Leonard sitting with Ed and Ted. I walk to their