A Million Little Pieces - James Frey [71]
From there I went to the Liquor Store and bought a fifth and some more cranberry and I drank the whole way Home.
He wipes his face.
Then I snuck into my neighbor Ira’s Garage and stole two bottles of chardonnay and another bottle of vodka and I went down to my basement and I drank both bottles of the chardonnay.
The tears are running.
Then I got dressed up as Luke Skywalker and I mixed the vodka and some more cranberry into a giant Obi Wan Kenobi mug and went out with the Girls. They knew something was wrong with me, but they tried to have fun.
He wipes again.
I don’t know when, but at some point I passed out in the wagon while the Girls were up at someone’s door.
He sobs.
They came back and tried to pull the wagon back to our House, but they’re little Girls, and I was too heavy.
Sobs.
They went to our neighbor Len’s House to get help, and when they came back with Len and his wife Ginny, they found that I had peed all over my Skywalker costume and all over the wagon.
Sobs.
Len tried to wake me, and when he did, I attacked him. You see, Len has a big, thick, blond beard, and I was so drunk that I thought he was the man in the Lion costume from two years earlier.
Sobs.
Oh, God.
Sobs.
Oh, God.
He stops, wipes his face, takes a deep breath. The men spread around the Room are speechless. He looks up.
Len had to tie me up with a dog leash to control me and my Wife had to come home from New Jersey before Tina’s Bat Mitzvah.
He starts bawling.
I disgraced myself, my Daughters, my Wife.
There are several chuckles.
I’m the laughingstock of the whole Neighborhood.
He completely breaks down, wailing, sobbing, holding his face in his hands. Several men start laughing. Lincoln looks at them, speaks.
Shut up.
The men laugh harder, more join in. The Bald Man looks up. Lincoln speaks.
This is not funny.
They laugh harder. More join in. The Bald Man is stunned. Lincoln speaks, his voice louder, his voice harder.
This is not funny.
The Room erupts. The Bald Man stands and he runs, wailing, sobbing and crying, from the Room. Lincoln steps in front of the empty chair.
You people think that was funny?
The men laugh.
It wasn’t.
They begin to quiet down.
That was a man spilling his heart to you. Spilling his goddamn heart.
There is quiet.
Opening up and telling you about the worst moment of his life, the moment he hit bottom and knew he needed help.
Silence.
That’s a hard thing to do, and he’s a brave man for doing it, and he deserves to be given respect, not to be fucking laughed at.
Lincoln shakes his head, lowers his voice.
You think you’re all hard-asses because maybe you took harder drugs than him or drank more than him or maybe your bottom was lower than his, but when I asked for a Volunteer to talk about bottoming out, I didn’t see any of you step up. You just sat there like scared little Boys.
He points in the direction of the Bald Man’s departure.
You should learn from that man, and you should learn from what he did up here today. He was brave and he was open and he was honest and he made himself vulnerable to everyone in this Room. That’s what being here is all about, and that’s the kind of attitude that is gonna keep him sober.
He starts to walk out.
Think about it. Think long and hard.
He stares as he does.
Long and hard.
He leaves. There is complete silence. The men look at one another, ashamed and embarrassed, waiting for someone to speak. Leonard stands.
Lincoln’s right, and we should apologize to the little guy, but I still think that story was fucking funny.
Everyone laughs. Leonard stands, looks at his watch.
It’s lunchtime. I’m going to eat.
He leaves and the men stand and begin filing out and heading to the Dining Hall. I stand and I follow them and I get in a line and I get a tray of food. I sit down and I listen to Ed and Ted argue and I laugh as Leonard eggs them on and I finish and I get up and I put my tray on the conveyor belt.
I go to the Lecture. A Priest talks about different forms of confession. I don’t like Priests, don’t trust Priests, and I don’t listen