A Million Little Pieces - James Frey [8]
The door opens and I sit up and the Doctor brings in a pile of clothes and my pills and he sets them on the table.
Hi.
I reach for the pills.
Hi.
I take them.
We got you some fresh clothes.
Thanks.
He sits at the table.
We’re going to move you down to a Unit today.
All right.
Usually when a Patient moves down to a Unit his contact with us is limited, but in your case, we need to continue to see you.
Okay.
For the next week, you’ll need to come up here a twice a day, after breakfast and dinner, to get your antibiotics and your Librium. What I’m giving you is your last dose of Diazepam.
Got it.
He looks at my mouth.
We’re taking you to a Dentist tomorrow.
I haven’t looked at my mouth yet.
He knows what he’s doing and he’s a friend of mine. He’ll take good care of you.
I’m scared to see myself.
Stay strong and you’ll be fine.
Scared of the hate that my own image can conjure.
You should get changed and go wait in the Lounge.
All right.
They’ll send someone up from the Unit to get you.
I can’t wait.
He laughs and he stands up.
Good luck, James.
I stand.
Thank you.
We shake hands and he leaves and I change into the clothes he brought me. A pair of khakis, a white T-shirt, some slippers. They’re warm and soft and they feel good. I almost feel human.
I leave my Room and I walk through the Medical Unit, where nothing has changed. There are bright lights, there is whiteness. There are Patients and Doctors and lines and pills. There are moans and screams. There is sadness, insanity and ruin. I know these things and they no longer affect me.
I walk into the Lounge and I sit down on a couch. I’m alone and I watch television and the latest batch of pills kicks in.
My heart beat slows.
My hands stop shaking.
My eyelids drop.
My body is limp.
Nothing registers.
I hear my name and I look up and Lilly is standing in front of me. She smiles and she sits down next to me.
Remember me?
Lilly.
She smiles.
I wasn’t sure you would. You look pretty juiced.
Librium and Diazepam.
Yeah, I just got off it. I hate that shit.
It’s better than nothing.
She laughs.
Talk to me in a couple days.
I smile.
I doubt I’m gonna last a couple of days.
She nods.
I know the feeling.
I don’t respond. She speaks.
Where you from?
I reach for my cigarettes.
North Carolina.
I draw one out.
Got one of those for me?
I hand her a cigarette and I light them and we smoke and Lilly tells me about herself and I listen to her. She’s twenty-two and grew up in Phoenix. Her Father left when she was four and her Mother was a Heroin Addict who supported her habit by whoring herself to whoever would pay. She started giving Lilly drugs at ten and started forcing her to whore herself to whoever would pay at thirteen. At seventeen, Lilly ran away to her Grandmother in Chicago, where she’s lived since. She’s addicted to crack and quaaludes.
A man walks into the Room and we stop talking and the man stops in front of me. He is thin, preppy, nearly bald. He has small nervous eyes.
James?
He smiles.
Yeah.
He seems very happy.
Hi, I’m Roy.
He holds out his hand.
Hi.
I stand and I shake his hand.
I’m here to take you down to the Unit.
All right.
Do you have any bags?
No.
Any extra clothes, books?
I have nothing.
A dob kit?
Nothing.
He smiles again. Nervously.
Let’s go.
I turn and I look at Lilly, who is pretending to watch television.
Bye, Lilly.
She looks up and she smiles at me.
Bye, James.
Roy and I leave the Lounge and we walk down a short, dark, carpeted Hallway. As we walk, Roy watches me carefully.
You know that’s against the Rules.
I stare straight ahead.
What?
Talking to women.
Sorry.
Don’t be sorry, just don’t do it again.
All right.
The Rules here are for your own good. I suggest that you follow them.
I’ll try.
Do better than try or you’ll be in trouble.
I’ll try.
We come to a large door and we walk through it and everything changes. The Hallways are long and lined with doors. The carpets are plush and the walls bright. There is color and light and a feeling of