A New Kind of Christianity - Brian McLaren [154]
2. From a lecture Kenzo gave in Kampala, Uganda, May 2007, sponsored by amahoro-africa.org.
3. Consider a wise old grandfather who sits quietly in his rocking chair. Over at the dining-room table, the “grown-ups”—his children—fight and argue. He doesn’t jump up and tell them all the way it is. He just rocks, watching, listening, understanding, until you, a grandchild, come up and say, “What do you think about this, Grandpa?” (Thanks to Claudio Oliver for this image.)
4. To self-differentiate means to learn to speak for yourself, to gently say, “Others may not agree, and I wouldn’t expect them to, but here’s how I feel, …here’s how I see things, …here’s what I wish for, …here’s what concerns me.” It means having the courage to differ along with the grace to not expect others to be convinced of your viewpoint. It means differentiating your identity from the congregation’s (and the identity of its leaders). Some groups not only aren’t ready for change; they are unwilling to tolerate difference—and you have to allow them to be who and where they are. If you “lose” and need to leave that congregation, remember to leave (as my wise friend Phyllis Tickle puts it) “with a kiss, not a kick.” But (as another wise friend, Joan Chittister, puts it) that doesn’t mean you have to leave in silence and secrecy.
You have four ways to leave a congregation: angry and vocal, angry and silent, kind and silent, or kind and communicative. I recommend the last whenever possible, meaning that you explain why you feel the need to leave, but you do so with kindness and a good-bye kiss of blessing and thanks. Your kindness increases the possibility that your departure can increase openness to change in the future in a way that neither leaving angry nor leaving silent ever could.
5. To return to the language of the previous chapter, even if indigo-zone followers of Christ can survive in a yellow-zone church, yellow (or green or blue) church members often cannot tolerate them. So in the absence of any church in a hospitable zone, they may need to form an indigo-zone faith community for their spiritual survival. That will create problems too, but problems go along with survival.
6. In the United States, I highly recommend the work of Alan Roxburgh, Patrick Kiefert, Bill Easum, Tom Bandy, Len Sweet, Reggie McNeal, Joe Myers, Sally Morganthaler, Linnea Nilsen Capshaw, Ron Martoia, and Denise Van Eck in this regard, all of whom can be found through an online search.
7. I’m especially enthusiastic about the work of consultants associated with www.deepshift.org and www.velocityculture.com.
8. One such parallel structure is a missional abbey, by which I mean a community of people who are primarily bound not by duty or responsibility or constituency management (like a governing board), but by spiritual practices and mission. Key among these practices is the use of “queries,” meaning questions that invite people to self-report about way-of-life issues. Queries distract our attention from fruitless arguments and attract our affection to things that matter. For example: When have you overflowed in gratitude to God this week? When have you brought grief, sadness, or contrition to God? When has creation made you mindful of the Creator? When have you felt especially close to and distant from God? When have you been able to befriend through presence and attentiveness a person in poverty or pain this week? A child? A person used to being ignored or stigmatized? What did you learn and gain from this encounter? What were you able to give? When have you been able to advocate for an important cause this week? How did you do, and how