A Spot of Bother - Mark Haddon [44]
“You’re not old.”
“Please, Jean, I’ve been practicing this for several weeks. Just let me get it out in one go without making a fool of myself.”
She’d never seen him looking nervous before. “Sorry.”
“When you get to my age you don’t get second chances. OK, maybe you do get second chances. Maybe this is my second chance. But…” He looked down at their hands. “I love you. I want to live with you. You make me very happy. And I know it’s selfish. But I want more. I want to go to bed with you at night and I want to wake up with you in the morning. Please, let me finish. This is easy for me. I live on my own. I don’t have to take other people into consideration. I can do what I want. But it’s different for you. I know. I respect George. I like George. But I’ve heard you talk about him and I’ve seen the two of you together and…You’re probably going to say no. And if you did I’d understand. But if I never asked I’d regret it for the rest of my life.”
She was shaking.
“Please. Just think about it. If you said yes I would do everything in my power to make it as painless and easy as possible for you…But if it’s impossible, I’ll pretend that this conversation never happened. The last thing I want to do is to frighten you away.” He looked up and met her eyes again. “Tell me I haven’t just messed everything up.”
She put her hand on top of his hand, so that their four hands made a little stack on the table. “You know…”
“What?” He looked genuinely troubled.
“That is the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
He breathed out. “You don’t have to give me an answer now.”
“I’m not going to.”
“Just think about it.”
“I’m going to have trouble thinking about anything else.” She laughed a little. “You’re smiling. You haven’t smiled since you came through the door.”
“Relief.” He squeezed her hand.
She pushed the chair back, walked round the table, sat on his lap and kissed him.
32
Katie and Graham didn’t talk about Ray. They didn’t even talk about the wedding. They talked about Bridget Jones and the petrol tanker hanging off the Westway on the TV news that morning and the truly bizarre hair of the woman in the far corner of the café.
It was exactly what Katie needed. Like putting on an old jumper. The good fit. The comforting smell.
She’d just asked the waitress for the bill, however, when she looked up and saw Ray coming into the café and walking toward them. For half a second she wondered whether there had been some kind of emergency. Then she saw the look on his face and she was livid.
Ray stopped beside the table and looked down at Graham.
“What’s this about?” Katie asked.
Ray said nothing.
Graham calmly put seven pound coins on the little stainless steel dish and slid his arms into his jacket. “I’d better be going.” He stood up. “Thanks for the chat.”
“I’m really sorry about this.” She turned to Ray. “For God’s sake, Ray. Grow up.”
For one horrible moment she thought Ray was going to hit Graham. But he didn’t. He just watched as Graham walked slowly to the door.
“Well, that was charming, Ray. Just charming. How old are you?”
Ray stared at her.
“Are you going to say anything, or are you just going to stand there with that moronic look on your face?”
Ray turned and walked out of the café.
The waitress returned to pick up the little stainless steel dish and Ray appeared on the pavement outside the window. He lifted a wastebin over his head, roared like a deranged vagrant then hurled it down the pavement.
33
By the time George got home he was feeling a good deal calmer.
The car was parked outside. Consequently he was surprised and a little disappointed to find the house empty. On the other hand, being in his own hallway was a comfort. The pig-shaped notepad on the phone table. The faint scent of toast. That piney stuff Jean used to clean the carpets. He put his rucksack down and walked into the kitchen.
He was putting the kettle on when he noticed that one of the chairs was lying on