A Spy by Nature - Charles Cumming [82]
‘Lucky I got there on time,’ he says. ‘Now, you were gonna tell me somethin’.’
‘You asked if Kate was ever in love with me.’
‘Yes, I did.’
‘This is what I know. During one of the summer breaks from college I went on holiday with Mum to Costa Rica. Without Kate.’
‘How come?’
‘I didn’t invite her.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I saw it as a good opportunity to have some time away from her. We lived in each other’s pockets and round about then Kate was very unsettled. And Mum wanted it to be just the two of us. She never really got on with Kate.’
Fortner just nods, takes a sip of his drink.
‘My mother and I had rooms quite far apart in the hotel, so that if I came back late at night I wouldn’t disturb her. One night I went clubbing with some people who were also staying in the hotel. We drank a lot, danced, the usual stuff. There was a girl with us that I liked a lot. A Canadian. Don’t remember her name. She’d been hanging around the pool and we’d talked every now and again. She was beautiful, really sexy, and I fancied my chances, y’know? But I’d been with Kate so long that I’d forgotten how to seduce someone.’
‘Sure,’ says Fortner, listening hard. My glass of whisky has a taste of aniseed on its rim. I want to take it back and complain.
‘So I bought her a few drinks, tried to make her laugh, tried to act cool, tried to dance without making a fool of myself. But nothing seemed to work. All night she seemed to be getting further and further away from me and I had no idea why. Anyway, after the club closed we found ourselves in the hotel lift together, going back to our rooms, and I tried to kiss her. I lunged in and waited for a response, even though deep down I knew it wasn’t coming. I knew she didn’t like me, and sure enough she veered away. Then the doors of the lift opened on to her floor and she said goodnight - I couldn’t tell if she was giggling or offended - got out of the lift and went off down the corridor to her room.’
‘What happened then?’ says Fortner.
‘I went back to my room. Shame, guilt, embarrassment, you name it.’
‘You only tried kissin’ her, for Christ’s sake.’
‘You don’t know Kate.’
Fortner frowns.
‘It was five in the morning and I was drunk and melancholy. The time difference with London was four or five hours so I decided to ring Kate, to hear her voice, just to make myself feel better so that I could get some sleep. So I picked up the phone and dialled her number. She answered almost straight away.’
‘What’d she say?’
‘She was crying.’
‘Crying?’
‘Yeah. I said “What’s wrong?” and without a second’s hesitation she said “I just miss you. I woke up and you weren’t beside me and I was all alone and I miss you.” That’s how much she loved me.’
Fortner absorbs the story, but his blank expression indicates that it’s nothing he hasn’t heard before: once you’ve seen one broken heart, you’ve seen them all. He waits for a few seconds, just out of politeness, and then asks:
‘Was Kate always emotional? Cryin’ all the time?’
It irritates me that he’ll think of her now as meek and timid, a little lamb of insecurity unable to sustain herself without me. She wasn’t like that at all.
‘No. She’s very strong. She’s one of those people who are old before their time, who know exactly what they want and don’t waste any time getting it. Kate’s very low-bullshit. She has no ego.’
‘Bet you’re wrong about that,’ he says, swallowing a mouthful of whisky. ‘Everyone has an ego, Milius. Some are just better at hidin’ it than others.’
‘You think Katharine has an ego?’
‘Hell, yeah. Why, you don’t think she does?’
I don’t want to give Fortner the impression that I’ve given too much time to thinking about his wife.
‘I dunno. But it’s interesting. Kate seemed so perfect to me that by the end I just worshipped her. That had a lot to do with the fact that she was so kind. It didn’t seem proper, or possible, that someone could be as good and as pure as she was. I was in awe of her beauty. It got to such a point that I felt I could no longer touch her. She actually made me feel unworthy