A Thousand Acres_ A Novel - Jane Smiley [167]
Caroline sauntered over and surveyed them. She said, “I’m not taking tests.”
“Just tell me.”
“Well, those must be the Davises. Those would be the Cooks. Grandfather Cook again, with the tractor. Mother.”
“Who’s the baby?”
“You, probably. You’re the oldest.”
“We didn’t have a camera when I was a baby.”
“Rose, then. Or me. Who is it?”
“I don’t know. Rose didn’t know. You don’t know.”
“So what?”
“So this. Everyone here is a stranger, even the baby. These are our ancestors, but they don’t look familiar. Even Daddy doesn’t look familiar. They might as well be anyone.”
“Daddy looks familiar.” She smiled.
“How familiar?”
“He looks like Daddy, that’s all.”
“How familiar?”
She turned her gaze from the pictures to my face, took her hands out of her pockets and picked up the picture. It was from the thirties, when Daddy would have been about twenty-five. He looked handsome but a little exasperated, as if this picture taking were a waste of time. Finally, she said, “As familiar as a father should look, no more, no less.”
I said, “You’re lucky.”
“What does that mean?”
I didn’t answer. She put down the picture, then picked up the one of the baby and scrutinized it. I said, “Isn’t it strange there’s only one? I looked for other pictures, but they start in school. This is all, before that.”
“Well, so what?”
“So why do you want these things? Pictures of strangers, dishes and cups and saucers that you don’t remember? It’s like you’re just taking home somebody else’s farm childhood. You don’t know what it means!”
“So I can’t pass some test.”
“What if I weren’t truthful? What if I sent you off, on purpose, with all of Rose’s things, and kept Mommy’s things for myself?”
“I thought of that.” Now her look flared at last. She exclaimed, “Have you got to wreck everything? Why are we having this sale? Because you and Rose bankrupted the farm. I can’t even accept that, but I’ve got to. So I come here, and you can’t leave me alone. You’re going to tell me something terrible about Daddy, or Mommy, or Grandpa Cook or somebody. You’re going to wreck my childhood for me. I can see it in your face. You’re dying to do it, just like Rose was. She used to call me, but I wouldn’t talk to her!” She walked over to the sink and turned on the faucet. When nothing came out, she stared fixedly at it for a moment, then said, “I told Frank last night, ‘I don’t know what makes them tick. It’s like they seek out bad things. They don’t see what’s there—they see beyond that to something terrible, and it’s like they’re finally happy when they see that!’ ” Now she looked at me. “I think things generally are what they seem to be! I think that people are basically good, and sorry to make mistakes, and ready to make amends! Look at Daddy! He knew he’d treated me unfairly, but that we really felt love for each other. He made amends. We got really close at the end.”
“He thought you were dead.”
“That was the very end! Before that, he was just as sweet as he could be. We talked about things. It was a side to him that didn’t come out much before that, but suffering brought it out. That was the real him.”
“How did he mistreat you?”
“Well, by getting mad and cutting me out of the farm. He knew he’d been unfair.”
I found myself shaking my head.
She flared up again. “I know you don’t believe me! I don’t expect you to believe me, but it’s true.”
“Caroline—”
“I just won’t listen to you! You never have any evidence! The evidence isn’t there! You have a thing against Daddy. It’s just greed or something.” She abruptly looked me in the face. “I realize that some people are just evil.” For a second, I thought she was referring to Daddy. Then I realized she was referring to me. But I was