A Thousand Acres_ A Novel - Jane Smiley [74]
I thought Harold would turn and explode at Jess, but instead he sniffed a couple of times and gazed at him. Finally, he said, without looking at me, but in a chipper voice, “Ginny, I got quite a temper and that’s the truth. I apologize.”
Jess was filling a bag with the last few packages and some colorful blocks of frozen succotash and spinach from the grocery store. He rolled his eyes. “You should go out and apologize to Loren is what you’d better do.”
Harold pulled out a yellow handkerchief and wiped his nose, then shoved the handkerchief back into his pocket. Now he looked at me. I was standing with the chilly bag in my arms, ready to get out of there. Harold leaned toward me and confided, “I gotta say, Ginny, that everything about that boy gets me these days. I’m the first to say he don’t deserve it, but I just look at him, and it makes me mad. The way he walks, the way he talks. He’s getting fat, too. Hell, the way he says yessir and nosir and jumps when I get on him. That makes me the maddest. This time last year, he couldn’t do no wrong for me, now he can’t do no right. I expect it’s Jess’s fault.”
“No, Harold,” said Jess, “it’s your fault, because you give in to it. If you know how you feel, you ought to control yourself.”
“Ginny, I admit I ain’t so good at controlling myself.” He said this as if I was to absolve him of the necessity of doing so, with a smile or a joke. Harold was actually grinning at this point, looking right at me. I said, “I guess I agree with Jess, Harold. I guess I think you could control yourself if you really wanted to.”
Harold got up and headed for the living room, still smiling. He said, “Well, you ain’t got any kids, so you don’t know what it’s like.”
Jess shook his head in exasperation and we scurried out. Loren had left in his pickup, I suppose to get the sprayer. We got in Harold’s truck and slammed the doors. I said, “I’d like to know what’s going on with Daddy and Harold.”
“I don’t know about Larry, but Harold’s just showing off, same as always. I wonder if he’s really as angry with Loren as he makes out. He loves to act sly for the sake of acting sly.” He started the engine.
“I’m beginning to think there isn’t any reward for putting up with all of this.”
“A big farm and the chance to run it the way you want is a reward.”
“You’re kidding.”
He pulled onto the blacktop. “No, listen. I got some stuff in the mail. Did you know there’s an association of organic farmers in this state? Guys who’ve never gone to chemicals, or who stopped using chemicals ten or fifteen years ago. It’s pretty inspiring. And in spite of no publicity and ridicule and stiff opposition, it’s a pretty lively and growing association. There’s a guy over near Sac City that I thought I’d go visit, if you want to come along.”
I rolled my eyes. Jess laughed and leaned toward me. I could smell the fragrance of him. I pressed my lips together. “You were having a lot of doubts a few days ago.”
“That was before I found out about this. Ginny, this is important! This is something that brings both halves of my life together.”
“Harold isn’t going to let you farm organically in his lifetime.”
“We’ll see. He’s pretty high on me now, and I haven’t held back with him, saying what I think he’s doing wrong. He listens to me.” We stopped in front of my back door. There was no one around. I said, “You are so unrealistic. I’m beginning to think that’s one of your virtues.” As he went through the door, he pinched me lightly on the rear. I laughed, but said, “No, really. You’ve changed us all now. You’ve come along and just turned us all upside down, and it’s because you only do what you don’t know you’re doing.” I put the bag I was carrying in his arms and started clearing breakfast dishes off the table. He stood there for a moment—I could feel him there—then ran down the cellar steps. The house seemed to float on him, on his being there. To work at a daily task and sense this was a goading, prickling pleasure for me, invested significance in the plates I was rinsing and the leftovers I was scraping into the