A Wedding in December_ A Novel - Anita Shreve [107]
“I love him,” Agnes said.
She waited, wrists poised on the table, for the cataclysm she knew was coming.
“We all did,” Harrison said casually. “You had him for your senior project, right? It must have been great to have him for a colleague.”
“No, I mean I love him,” Agnes said, aware that she was sealing her fate, that there was no going back, that she was exposing Jim, and as a result she might never see him again (and was there not just the slightest relief in this?).
“What?” asked Jerry.
Agnes lifted her chin. “I love him,” she said. “I always have.”
Agnes noted the moment of recognition. Jerry ducking in his chin in surprise. Harrison tilting his head, not quite believing what he’d just heard. Rob nodding slowly.
“That’s great,” Nora said after a long silence.
“Well. No,” Agnes said. “It isn’t.”
The room was so quiet, Agnes could hear a conversation in the next room. A man was talking about a Lexus. A woman said the word “Anichini.”
“Matt?” Nora called from across the table. “You and Brian don’t have to hang out with us old folks if you want to go back downstairs and play pool.”
“Sure,” Matt said, clearly eager for any excuse to leave the room.
“I think I’ll go check on Mom,” Bridget’s sister said.
“Great,” Bridget said. “I’ll be up soon, too.”
Matt looked in Melissa’s direction. “You want to?” he asked his new stepsister.
Melissa shrugged. “I’m not very good,” she said.
“We aren’t either,” Matt said.
“Really, really not good,” Brian added, grinning.
“Well, all right,” Melissa said.
There was quiet chatter around the table to cover the awkwardness of Matt and Brian and Melissa’s leaving. Janice told Bridget to stay and enjoy herself. Rob asked Harrison if he wanted another glass of wine. Harrison nodded, drained the dregs in his glass, and handed it over in Rob’s direction. An audience settling itself, Agnes thought.
“So what’s up?” Jerry asked finally when the others had left.
“I’ve loved Jim Mitchell since I was a senior at Kidd,” Agnes announced simply.
“And does he love you back?” Bridget asked gently.
“Yes. He does.”
She could hear the strain in her voice. Her heart kicked hard in her chest.
“Then why isn’t it great?” Harrison asked.
“He’s married,” Agnes said. “He’s been married the whole time.”
Jerry whistled. “How long are we talking about?” he asked.
“Twenty-six years,” Agnes answered, aware that she was sweating under her arms and down her back. She would ruin her dress.
“Oh, Agnes,” Nora said, and Agnes didn’t know if Nora’s distress was because Agnes had never confided in her or because of the sheer weight of all those years.
“I went back to Kidd to visit him over Thanksgiving the year after we graduated,” Agnes explained, “and, it’s a long story, but I ended up in the emergency room. He took me there. And that night we . . .” She stopped.
“Jim Mitchell,” Rob said with a kind of awe.
“The very same,” Agnes said.
“I remember his wife,” Jerry said. “Not her name, but she used to come to the games. She was kind of cute. Petite? Brunette?”
Agnes nodded. “Her name is Carol.”
“This is amazing,” Bridget said, shaking her head slowly from side to side. “Just amazing.”
“It is amazing,” Agnes declared.
“And his wife doesn’t know?” Jerry asked.
“I don’t think so,” Agnes said.
“How is that possible?” Jerry asked.
“Jim and I don’t see each other all that often. We meet in neutral cities in anonymous hotels for a night or a weekend.”
“And that’s okay with you?” Nora asked, unable to hide her concern.
“Yes,” Agnes said with emphasis. “I don’t want what you have. Or have had. I don’t want a man in my life every day. I cherish my condo and my solitude. And when Jim and I meet and come together, it’s all the better for having been apart.”
“Agnes, I’m happy for you,” Rob interjected. “If he has made you happy all these years, then I’m all for it. I’d be a hypocrite if I wasn’t.”
“If he loves you so much,” Jerry asked, “why hasn’t he left his wife? It’s not fair to her either, right?”
Julie snapped her napkin on the table, surprising all of them. “Since when have you ever cared