A Woman-Hater [29]
"You alarm me," said Vizard, with marked tranquillity.
"I saw him--kiss--her--hand."
"You relieve me," said Vizard, as calmly as he had been alarmed. "There's no harm in that. I've kissed the queen's hand, and the nation did not rise upon me. However, I object to it. The superior sex should not play the spaniel. I will tell him to drop that. But, permit me to say, all this is in your department, not mine.
"But what can I do against three of them, unless you support me? There you have let them go out together."
"Together with Fanny Dover, you mean?"
"Yes; and if Fanny had any designs on him, Zoe would be safe--"
"And poor Ned torn in two."
"But Fanny, I am grieved to say, seems inclined to assist this young man with Zoe; that is, because it does not matter to her. She has other views--serious ones."
"Serious! What? A nunnery? Then I pity my lady abbess."
"Her views are plain enough to anybody but you."
"Are they? Then make me as wise as my neighbors."
"Well, then, she means to marry _you."_
"What! Oh, come!--that is too good a joke!"
"It is sober earnest. Ask Zoe--ask your friend, Mr. Severne--ask the chambermaids--ask any creature with an eye in its head. Oh, the blindness of you men!"
The Misogyn was struck dumb. When he recovered, it was to repine at the lot of man.
"Even my own familiar cousin--once removed--in whom I trusted! I depute you to inform her that I think her _adorable,_ and that matrimony is no longer a habit of mine. Set her on to poor Severne; he is a ladies' man, and 'the more the merrier' is his creed."
"Such a girl as Fanny is not to be diverted from a purpose of that sort. Besides, she has too much sense to plunge into the Severne and--pauperism! She is bent on a rich husband, not a needy adventurer."
"Madam, in my friend's name, I thank you."
"You are very welcome, sir--it is only the truth." Then, with a swift return to her original topic: "No; I know perfectly well what Fanny Dover will do this afternoon. She sketches."
"It is too true," said Vizard dolefully: "showed me a ship in full sail, and I praised it _in my way._ I said, 'That rock is rather well done.' "
"Well, she will be seized with a desire to sketch. She will sit down apart, and say, 'Please don't watch me--it makes me nervous.' The other two will take the hint and make love a good way off; and Zoe will go greater lengths, with another woman in sight--but only just in sight, and slyly encouraging her--than if she were quite alone with her _mauvais sujet."_
Vizard was pleased with the old lady. "This is sagacious," said he, "and shows an eye for detail. I recognize in your picture the foxy sex. But, at this moment, who can foretell which way the wind will blow? You are not aware, perhaps, that Zoe and Fanny have had a quarrel. They don't speak. Now, in women, you know, vices are controlled by vices-- see Pope. The conspiracy you dread will be averted by the other faults of their character, their jealousy and their petulant tempers. Take my word for it, they are sparring at this moment; and that poor, silly Severne meditating and moderating, and getting scratched on both sides for trying to be just."
At this moment the door opened, and Fanny Dover glittered on the threshold in Cambridge blue.
"There," said Vizard; "did not I tell you? They are come home."
"Only me," said Fanny gayly.
"Where are the others?" inquired Miss Maitland sharply.
"Not far off--only by the riverside."
"And you left those two alone!"
"Now, don't be cross, aunt," cried Fanny, and limped up to her. "These new boots are so tight that I really couldn't bear them any longer. I believe I shall be lame, as it is."
"You ought to be ashamed of yourself. What will the people say?"
"La! aunt, it is abroad. One does what one likes--out of England."
"Here's a code of morals!" said Vizard, who must have his slap.
"Nonsense," said Miss Maitland: "she will be sure to meet somebody. All England is on the Rhine at this time of the year; and, whether or no, is it for you to expose that