Abandon - Meg Cabot [93]
“It wasn’t safe,” I wailed. “John said the cemetery wasn’t safe!”
Why hadn’t I told him last night that she was in there? I’d been too distracted by his kisses.…
“For you,” Richard Smith reminded me. “He said it wasn’t safe for you. No one could have predicted this, Miss Oliviera, not even a death deity. It was just her time. It’s unfortunate, of course, and when they find the person responsible, I hope he’s punished to the fullest extent of the law. But you can hardly blame this on John, much less yourself. Jade chose to be out there. She knew the risks of what she was doing. And you saw how much fun she was having. John said she’s moved on to a better place —”
I’d hung up on him, I was so furious. This is what had come from Richard Smith’s suggestion that I “be sweeter.” Someone I’d liked — really liked — was dead.
Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Yes, I suppose rationally I knew in the back of my mind that Jade’s death wasn’t my fault, or John’s either.…But when something horrible happens, it’s human nature to want to blame it on someone. We want someone to be held accountable, even though sometimes things just happen.
The problem, like my dad said, was that too often, we hold the wrong person accountable. Sometimes even the victim herself. We do this so we can reassure ourselves the bad thing will never happen to us. “Oh, this terrible thing happened to this person because she did such-and-such. All I have to do is never do such-and-such, and then the terrible thing will never happen to me.”
I died trying to rescue a bird. My mom holds my dad accountable for this, since he didn’t get the pool cover fixed, or notice I was drowning. When really it was my own fault for being so clumsy.
In Jade’s case, as soon as the details of her death hit the caf — which they seemed to as soon as I walked into the Quad — everyone was saying, “Well, what was she doing riding her bike so late at night, and in the cemetery, of all places? She should never have been doing that. No wonder she died.”
Like it was Jade’s own fault.
There was just one small problem with this theory:
Jade had been killed by someone. The police wanted to find that person or at least a witness who could say they’d seen him.
By the time the first of the day’s big gray storm clouds started to roll in, the pieces all began to come together. Later, I couldn’t believe how long it took me to see them.
But it was all so horrible. Who could even begin to imagine something so horrible?
And the thing is, people die. Sometimes they trip and fall, then they hit their heads and roll into the pool and drown.
Other times they get seduced by their basketball coach and then dumped, and they go home and swallow a bottle of prescription pills.
Other times they get mugged while riding their bikes and don’t get found in time and then they die.
It’s just the way things are. It doesn’t have anything to do with you, necessarily.
“Aunt Deb?” Alex said, answering his phone when it rang as we were dropping off our empty lunch trays. “I know. Pierce forgot her phone again, didn’t she?”
But then again, other times, it does have something to do with you.
Alex’s face drained of its normal color as my mother spoke. Evidently, she didn’t want to talk to me.
Other people did, though.
“Hey, Pierce,” Farah said, smiling and waving as she and Seth walked by, arms around each other’s waists.
“Oh,” I said to them. I couldn’t quite summon a smile back. But I waved. “Hey.”
The storm clouds overhead rumbled. It was so weird that they made everyone at this school eat lunch outside. What were we supposed to do, I wondered, when it rained? Like it was about to do right now, for instance?
“Pierce,” Bryce yelled at me, as he walked by on his way to the trash cans with what looked like about twelve burrito wrappers. Cody was with him. “Pierce, Pierce, Pierce, Pierce!” They yelled it like it was a chant. Like it was the Mueller Shout-Out.
“God,” Kayla said to me. “What did you have with them yesterday, ice cream or sex?”
I made a face at her. “Ew. Shut up.”
Alex hung up his