About Schmidt - Louis Begley [14]
No, he must not quarrel with Riker. His deepest need was to be at peace with his daughter, to maintain a state of wordless complicity with her, like those rare moments of surrender when the surf that rakes the Atlantic beach is transformed into tiny, glittering ripples, and one can float on one’s back, eyes open to the late-September sky. Instead he had been churlish with the boy, Charlotte surely thought he had, and on the day she had told him they would be married! It didn’t matter that the vulgar boy had provoked him. Coming from himself, ill temper was unforgettable, if not unforgivable. If he didn’t manage, for reasons that couldn’t be stated without aggravating the case, to return to treating Riker as he used to in the office, indeed at the breakfast and dinner table under his own roof during all those years when, after all, he was sleeping with Charlotte, if he behaved as though Mary and he hadn’t imagined and accepted the conventionally desirable result, he would force her to take Riker’s side against him, to behave, quite properly, as though the insult had been directed at her. This was the kind of misery that Mary could have cured, even as she could unravel desperately tangled kite strings and make things all right between him and Charlotte, now talking to one and now to the other, keeping their confidences, until at last, hours or many days later, one of them was coaxed into saying the obvious, necessary words that meant nothing but brought them back into sunlight.
And a quarrel with DeForrest and the management committee over the pension plan? He could imagine how Riker might explain the two sides of the argument to Charlotte. Charlotte didn’t doubt that he had more than enough money. How could it be otherwise? Money had not been a subject Mary and he discussed in Charlotte’s presence—they hardly ever talked about it even when they were alone. His mother’s squalid nagging about money had been the constant background noise while he lived with his parents; he didn’t want to be reminded of it in the life he had made for himself. To be sure, he had occasionally informed Charlotte that he wasn’t rich, in a tone, he realized, about as convincing as that of his ritual injunctions