Academic Legal Writing - Eugene Volokh [62]
Repeating a word or a concept from the previous paragraph, and especially from the paragraph's last sentence, is another connecting mechanism; so is the word “another.” Feel free to change the part of speech when you repeat a word this way, for instance by using “connecting” in the first sentence of a paragraph to link back to “connected” in the last sentence of the previous one. Such links help you take the reader smoothly from thought to thought, making it clear how the thoughts fit.14
XIII. WRITING: SENTENCE/CLAUSE PROBLEMS TO WATCH FOR
A. Redundancy
When you see two sentences that express similar thoughts, try to eliminate one, or part of one. If you're intentionally restating a thought to make it clearer, try to make it clear the first time you say it.
The phrase “in other words,” in particular, is a clue that the first words you used aren't that good. Repetition annoys busy readers who want to get to the point quickly, and it can also confuse readers: If the second sentence makes the same point as the first sentence but uses slightly different words to do it, some readers will assume that the two sentences must say something different, and spend time looking for this nonexistent difference.
Likewise, avoid phrases such as “any and all,” “null and void,” or “cease and desist,” in which two words linked by an “and” or an “or” are, practically speaking, identical. Except when the redundant phrase has legal significance (for instance, “a cease-and-desist letter”), eliminate one of the components (making it “all,” “void,” or “cease,” or, better yet, “stop”).
These redundant couples are often clichés, but writers also often create their own, such as “the new nouns generally tend to be more abstract and conceptual than the concrete actions and attributes that they replace” (a phrase from an earlier draft of this book). “Abstract” and “conceptual” might sometimes mean subtly different things, but not here. “Abstract” alone will do fine, and will keep the reader from wondering which nouns are more abstract and which ones are more conceptual.
Repetition is sometimes rhetorically useful for stressing an important point, and sometimes actually clarifies things. The introduction and the conclusion of an article, for instance, necessarily repeat some of what the body of the article says. Usually, though, redundancy makes your writing less effective.
B. Unnecessary Introductory Clauses
“It should be mentioned that knowledgeable gun owners already know that ....” “In having researched the implications of the act, I would recommend that ....” The italicized phrases add nothing: They're throat-clearing—things people say before they start getting to the point. Delete them.
C. Other Unnecessary Phrases
More broadly, each sentence and each clause should make some specific point that's useful to your argument. Consider one example from a student paper: “The state legislature should reject this proposal because it is the wrong solution.” What extra information does “because it is the wrong solution” convey to the reader?
Likewise, consider another example:
Given the large number of accidental firearms injuries among young people that occur annually in this country, everyone would agree that firearms safety is a matter of great public concern.
On that level of generality, everyone does agree—to the point that the sentence adds nothing substantively, and is such an obvious platitude that it adds nothing rhetorically either.
Either delete the sentence or make it more concrete. For example, it turns out that in 2006, about 55 children age fourteen or under died in firearms accidents in the U.S., and about 2500 were nonfatally injured in such accidents (split roughly evenly between those who were treated and released, and those who were transferred or hospitalized).15 If you replace the vague phrase “large number” with the specific number,