Adland_ Searching for the Meaning of Life on a Branded Planet - James P. Othmer [62]
We’ve also noticed that you’ve recently ordered yet another copy (your third in six years) of On Becoming a Novelist by John Gardner as well as The Faith of a Writer by Joyce Carol Oates, which leads us to believe that you’re still trying to write or one day hope to write the Great American Novel. May we suggest instead Moving On by Larry McMurtry, Snap Out of It by Ilene Segalove, or The Delusional Person by Salomon Resnick? Or perhaps you should simply stick to your career in advertising.
Also, based on your recent history (notably the camo cargo pants and sleeveless mesh T-shirt purchases from our sporting goods shop), we have some more sartorial recommendations for you in our designer menswear boutique, including a stunning new Armani suit that has been recommended for you by a friend. We can’t tell you this friend’s name, but we can tell you that she used to sleep in the same room as you.
What else? We’ve also noticed from your customer profile that yesterday was your birthday and that you spent most of it lurking on hotsororitywebcam.com and Metstraderumors.com. All of the above, combined with your recent purchases from our music store of less than uplifting CDs by the likes of Tom Waits, Trent Reznor, Nick Cave, and Morrissey, suggests that you might be clinically depressed. And you might be interested to know that previous customers who we thought were clinically depressed and who also purchased CDs by the likes of Tom Waits, Trent Reznor, Nick Cave, and Morrissey also purchased discounted psychotropic meds like lithium, Prozac, and Zoloft direct from our online pharmacy. You also might want to know that many of the same clinically depressed people who also purchased CDs by the likes of Tom Waits, Trent Reznor, Nick Cave, and Morrissey and had also purchased discounted psychotropic meds like lithium, Prozac, and Zoloft from our online pharmacy had previously tried, without success, self-medicating with Jack Daniel’s whiskey, Patrón Reposado tequila, and Monkey Business by the Black Eyed Peas (all of which, incidentally, even though they won’t help one little bit, can be purchased at our online liquor and music stores).
If you’d like additional, more brutally frank recommendations for every aspect of your life, please click here.
If you’re not James P. Othmer, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing, please click here.
Online, for Real
Here it is just after 8:00 a.m. and I’m already up to fifty-four impressions. Even though I’ve only overheard the TV programming of others, I haven’t left my house, and I’ve not yet turned on my computer.
Obviously, online there are exponentially more types of ad experiences than one could ever find in the real world. From simple banner and pop-up ads to sponsored links, to boldfaced words embedded in search engine listings to audio, video, and print ads.
Online you can see almost every print and TV ad in current circulation (as well as tens of thousands from years past) as well as much more interactive, content-driven fare. Online I can find everything from a YouTube link to an AT&T campaign I did almost twenty years ago to a snack-chip site for a contest that will allow the winner to create the next Super Bowl ad. If so inclined, online I could also join a gaming site like World of Warcraft or a site like Second Life, where my avatar could explore an entire new world, replete with paid advertisements. But I’m too busy and old to cultivate an online gaming obsession, and I’m not interested in Second Life, and, based upon the declining numbers of participants and advertisers on the site, not many others are, either. At least for now.
As intimated above, how to calculate it all is nearly impossible and deeply