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The last time I’d spoken with Rose was when I interviewed her for an article I was writing about male trends for a nudity-free men’s magazine. This is when she told me about her alternate title, and the global study of men she had overseen for Burnett. Our conversation ranged from a discussion of the Darwinian utility of the shape of the head of the penis (something to do with making sure one’s sperm stays in while the sperm of the previous baboon/caveman/warthog is scooped out—an anecdote that, to the best of my knowledge, did not make it into the study) to the specific findings of her research, which has been widely quoted and regularly updated since it premiered to great industry fanfare at the 2005 Cannes Lions International Advertising Festival.

Among the findings: “This is a confusing time for guys. With the world trending increasingly feminine, more and more of the social constructs that men have taken for granted are teetering.” And, “What all [men around the world] have in common is a desire to want to know how to win respect and admiration as a man.”

According to Cameron, this confused, feminine-trending male is the by-product of a number of factors. As societies transitioned from industrial to technological, workplaces became less physically demanding and more sexually integrated. This left an increasing number of men, many of whom reported to women, confused, with fewer outlets to demonstrate physical prowess, blow off steam, and temper anxiety. Which is why it’s no coincidence that the man study found that more and more men worldwide have been turning to violent, uncensored, highly competitive, and totally anonymous online gaming to behave however the hell they want to, without consequence. Feeling emasculated, frustrated, and confused in the workplace? Go online and become, for instance, Remhto (Othmer, backward), god of sex without small talk and senseless, intergalactic violence, and you’ll feel a whole lot better.

Some of this worldwide male confusion, according to the study, also suggests that modern men are lacking in role models to guide them, primarily because their fathers haven’t exactly set the most shining examples.

I couldn’t resist giving the phenomenon a name.

The Hasselhoff Effect

So, according to the man study, the definition of what it means to be a responsible man is being rewritten by men who seem anything but responsible. According to Cameron, who surveyed thousands of men in fifteen countries, the much-maligned bachelor is getting older, and he just may have a better handle on responsible, twenty-first-century masculinity than anyone thought.

According to the study, in 1970 more than half of American men in their mid-twenties were married. Today it’s less than one in five. Apparently, a generation of men—men raised in divorce, or who have glimpsed their bitter, unfulfilled dads silently weeping in the garage, or who have been subjected to the YouTube video of David Hasselhoff slobbering drunk in front of his daughter—are giving marriage, fatherhood, and the concept of masculinity a bit of a rethink.

“Because of the environment in which they were raised, men in their mid-twenties today are far more sensitive to the repercussions of their actions and the ramifications of ‘responsibility,’” said Cameron. “They’ve seen that their fathers’ concept of masculinity didn’t work out so well.”

To hedge their bets, Cameron said, “they want to ensure that they’ve explored every avenue and figure out what it means to be a fulfilled modern man before they commit to a marriage.” This includes anything from extreme tourism to pursuing vocations because they want to rather than ought to, to experiencing every aspect of a relationship with a woman short of the matching gold bands.

Cameron called this process “self-actualization.” Your father would probably call it fucking off.

So we have reached a point where being noncommittal might be the most responsible thing a man can do. Cameron