Adolf Hitler_ my part in his downfall - Spike Milligan [46]
Me:
“Sir, this fish tastes like a Gestapo Sergeant.”
Edgington:
“Right, drown it, at once.”
Me:
“It’s not frightened of water.”
Edgington:
“Then drown it on land. Poison a hill and make him eat it.”
Me:
“Yes.”
Edgington:
“That ‘yes’ sounds very suspicious.”
Me:
“Don’t worry, it’s one of ours.”
Edgington:
“Good, you can stand by me to rely on you.”
Me:
“I shall always remember you like that.” (Here I point to a coil of greasy rope.)
Edgington:
“Ah, I was very poor then but now…” Me: “But now what?”
Edgington:
“But now I was very poor then.” We were only twenty-one.
The end of the voyage was nigh. We wanted to get ashore before the equipment was out of date. Over the Tannoy: “Good morning. Colonel Meadows speaking. I’m going to put you all out of your agony.” (He was too late for me.) “I can now tell you our destination.” (CHEERS) “We are to land at Algiers, as reinforcements for the 1st .Army; we will be fighting alongside the Americans, who will be welcomed into this theatre of operations.”
“So, we’re going to an operating theatre,” grinned Harry. “We should be docking at 10.30 a.m. tomorrow. From there we will go to a Transit Camp for brief training. We should be in action three weeks from now.” (Mixed groans and cheers.) “Good luck to you all.” Cries of “Good Luck Mate.” Algiers? Wasn’t that where Charles Boyer once had it off with Hedy Lamar in the Kasbah? Mind you, they got out while the going was good. The rest of the day was spent packing kit. We were issued with an air-mail letter, in which we were allowed to say we’d arrived safe and sound. News which would now make everybody at home happy. From now, all mail was censored. We were no longer allowed to give the number of troops, measurements of guns and ammo returns to the German Embassy in Spain. This, of course, would cut our income down considerably. So there it was, tomorrow North Africa. I wrote the name on a bit of paper, it would come in useful. That evening with the sun setting, we all gathered around Major Chaterjack on the promenade deck and sang old songs. The sea was still, ships were at slow speed, as the sounds of ‘You are my sunshine’, ‘Run Rabbit Run’, and ‘Drink to me only’ were wafted across the waters. It all seemed very nostalgic. It must have struck terror into the breasts of any listening Germans.
Tin hats, as observed on board the Otranto during anti-aircraft stations
ALGIERS
On January 18th, 1913, I wrote in my diary: “Arrived Algiers at Dawn.” Harry and I got up early to enjoy the sight of Africa at first light. We saw it bathed in a translucent, pre-dawn purple aura. Seagulls had joined us again. A squadron of American Lockheed Lightnings circled above. The coast was like a wine-coloured sliver, all the while coming closer. The visibility grew as the sun mounted the sky; there is no light so full of hope as the dawn; amber, resin, copper lake, brass green. One by one, they shed themselves until the sun rose golden in a white sky. Lovely morning warmth. I closed my eyes and turned my face to the sun. “I fell down a hatchway—”
“Awake!” said Harry down the hole, “for Morning in the Bowl of Night, Has flung the Stone that puts the Stars to flight. Omar Khayyam.”
“Get stuffed. Spike Milligan.” The convoy was now in line ahead making for the port. Gradually the buildings of Algiers grew close. The city was built on a hill, and tiered, most buildings were white. We were closing to the dockside. Activity. Khaki figures were swarming everywhere. Trucks, tanks, aircraft, guns, shells, all were being off-loaded. Odd gendarmes looked helpless, occasionally blew whistles, pointed at Arabs, then hit them. They’d lost the war and by God they were going to take it out on someone. Now we could see palm tree lined