Aftermath - Ann Aguirre [108]
“It’s fragging weird without March,” the mechanic says. “But he can’t be budged from Nicuan. I tried to tempt him with a big job not long ago.”
Hit nods. “He laughed. Said he was done with that life.”
I’m left with a knot in my throat as I wonder what else he’s done with. Despite Dina’s reassurance, I won’t believe there’s anything left between us until I see him. Idle conversation carries us along for another hour, and then it’s beyond time for me to crash. The others speak their good nights, and I see Zeeka to his room.
The bed puzzles him. “No moss?” he asks.
“Nope. Make the best of it.”
“This is part of the test,” he croaks.
“Sure. G’day, Z.”
I have a hard time believing we’re back, and I’m not used to being alone. For that entire ordeal, Vel stood beside me, and I feel like I need to see him before I can fall asleep. My steps carry me to his door, then I wonder if this is a dumb idea.
He opens it before I signal. “The bot told me you were here.”
Not a psychic connection, then. Just as well—I can only handle one of those. “May I come in?”
“Certainly.” He steps back so I can.
“It’s weird, isn’t it?”
“It does not feel altogether real,” he admits.
“Have you yielded to the temptation to peek at the data yet?”
“What do you think?”
“I’d bet a million credits that you’re already working on it, so you can see what you got.”
“Correct.”
“Anything interesting? Something that could help Carvati?” Maybe he doesn’t need assistance, though. For all I know, he’s figured out the La’heng cure and we’re ready to move.
“There is so much unfamiliar technology and scientific data that I am dizzy.” That’s a huge admission for him. “I may ask Carvati to examine it tomorrow.”
“I think you could trust him to a point. He certainly isn’t hurting for credits.”
“My thoughts precisely.”
There’s no reason to linger. I can’t ask to curl up beside him or to sleep on his floor. I want to, but what was normal while we were stranded isn’t anymore.
So I murmur, “I suppose I’d better clean up and get some rest.”
There’s a long silence, as if he’s considering his options. Maybe he feels the same way—and he’s gotten used to having me close by. But he only says, “Dream well, Sirantha.”
As I’m leaving, I think he’s going to ask me to stay. But he doesn’t.
In my room, I reflect that it’s good to take a proper san- shower; I’d almost forgotten the pleasure. For the first time in ages, I face myself in the mirror, but I don’t see any of the changes I noted in Dina. My face looks the same as it did after my trial. Turning away with a muttered curse, I find a comb. It’s been turns since I got the tangles out, and this could take the rest of the night.
Just as well. I probably won’t be able to relax. I’m lonely without Vel, and I’m not sure I can sleep without him. I miss the slow, deep exhalations that mean I’m safe. Except the toll on me has been considerable—I can’t help it. I abandon my hair and lie down just for a moment.
And when I wake, March is with me.
CHAPTER 35
“Jax,” he breathes.
March cups my face in his hands and kisses me as if he’s dying, and only my breath can save him. I draw him down onto the bed beside me. At first I’m not sure if I’m awake or dreaming, but he’s always welcome beside me.
Oh, my love, my love.
It seems as if we’ve never been together as Kai and I were, sharing normal occasions, daily joys. Instead, it feels as though we have only these stolen moments caught between the crises. He’s tougher to be with than Kai, more unwilling to follow my lead, and honestly, I don’t like letting others choose my course, no matter how much I love them. Those things don’t matter now, as his lips claim mine. Sweetness. Heat. Oh, Mary, how I ache. If this is a dream, I will die when I wake.
“Are you here?” I ask, long moments later. “Are you real?”
March spills into my mind in a hot rush, and the silence is filled at last. Nobody else makes me feel this way. I’ve missed him so, though I didn’t allow myself to feel the full force of it before, or I couldn’t have functioned. It