Aftermath - Ann Aguirre [116]
An hour later, I meet Hon and Loras downstairs in the lounge. Hon grabs me up in a bone-crushing hug and twirls me around; the war hasn’t crushed his big, big spirit. And even Loras looks stronger than he did when I first saw him on Emry Station; apparently working with Hon has been good for him. Loras offers a hand, and I use it to pull him into an embrace.
“Told you I’d work on the problem for you.”
“You mean contract it out,” Hon corrects with a roguish grin.
“Close enough. I know Loras didn’t expect me to handle the science stuff on my own.”
“I thought Doc would do it,” he says quietly.
I sober instantly. “I’m so sorry.”
“Why?” Hon asks. “You weren’t bombing Venice Minor.”
Mary help me, but I can’t bring myself to explain how Doc and Evie came to die. Only Vel knows that they were likely responding to our comm chatter when we warned the fleet overhead. They were coming to help us—save us—and probably show us their hiding place . . . and I got them killed. I chose March over any other. And maybe that’s why this separation fills me with such anguish . . . because what I did spikes a needle of shame straight through my heart every time I think of March.
“Survivor’s guilt,” Loras suggests.
And I let that explanation stand. “Why don’t you get a room and run your bags up? Then we can head to Carvati’s.”
Hon nods. “Be right back.”
While I wait, I nurse a drink. Mikhail’s is pretty laid- back, which is why we chose it for our headquarters, but you can’t hang around the lounge if you don’t buy something. As I sit, Vel joins me, and shortly thereafter, Hit, Dina, and Argus as well.
That raises my brows. “We’re all going?”
Dina nods. “We all have a vested interest at this point.”
“But I wanted to chat with you.” This, from Hit. She has a glass of something red and sweet-looking in one hand.
“Go.”
“We’ve been talking . . .” That has to mean her, Dina, and Argus. Together, they’ve been running missions on the Big Bad Sue for turns now.
“What about?” I ask.
“We’ll take you as far as La’heng, but after that, we need to get back to business. We didn’t agree to sit around while you lobby for approval, bribe officials, or whatever you’re going to need to do in order to finish this for Loras. “
Hit sounds harsh, but I know she doesn’t mean it that way. And she’s right. This is my personal quest. I don’t want anyone sitting dirtside if they’d rather be out on the Star Road. Frag, I’d rather be out there, too, but I have to keep this promise, or I won’t enjoy my freedom later.
This is the final price for everything I’ve done. I realize no amount of goodwill bring back the people who died because of my actions, but nothing less can assuage my conscience. If I can succeed in this, then I may experience some measure of peace. I can go out into the beauty of red dwarves, gas giants, asteroid fields, and uncharted wonders with an unfettered spirit.
I glance between Dina and Argus. “You both agree?”
Neither hesitates to meet my gaze as they nod. I get it. I was gone a long-ass time, and they have a new life. One I’m not part of. They have their own jumper, even, one I trained. I know I’m leaving Hit and Dina in good hands with him.
“If you’re all right with it, I have one stop before La’heng. Then once you drop us off on world, I won’t expect anything more. If not, I can find another ship.” I don’t mean to sound terse, but I guess I do. Despite my intellectual understanding, I’m a little hurt. Dina’s my best pal, or she was, but I was gone, and she moved on.
“Don’t take it like that,” Dina says with a faint sigh. “We’ll always be your friends, dumb-ass. But we just can’t stay dirtside.”
“I know.” And I do. I wish I didn’t have to. But it’s the last link in the chain holding me to my former life. When