Aftermath - Ann Aguirre [118]
The pirate steps forward. “Aye?”
Loras smiles. “Hit me.”
He doesn’t argue, but he doesn’t hit him like a man, either. Instead, it’s an open-faced slap, which feels like an insult. Loras responds immediately, his grin widening; he unloads a flurry of punches on the bigger man’s upper body. Hon tries to block, and though he’s bigger, he’s nowhere near fast enough. Loras has been saving this rage for turns, and there’s no denying it. He kicks the living shit out of Hon before Carvati grabs him. The pirate staggers back, bracing on the wall, with genuine surprise. This is why we pacified the La’hengrin, but we didn’t have that right.
“How do you feel?” Carvati asks.
Loras bends over, breathing hard. “Free, like something unlocked in my head. Before, no matter how furious I was, I couldn’t do that. It felt like I had strings attached. But they’ve been cut, and I’m a puppet no longer.”
I cheer and give him a big hug. He shoves me back . . . mostly because he can, I suspect. “I didn’t say you could touch me.”
“Sorry.” But I’m smiling, and so is he. “So what do you think? Should we carry Carvati’s Cure to La’heng and free your people?”
Loras nods. “Absolutely. Today, this is my independence day. And I dream that eventually, all La’hengrin will know this joy. If you help me achieve this, you will be the best friend I’ve ever known.”
I feel like that’s expiation, and a goal worth striving for, because he doesn’t offer friendship lightly. I once left him to die, and if he can forgive me that, then maybe I’m not beyond all saving. Mary, please, let me succeed in this. I’m not selfless enough to want to do it for the sake of all the enslaved La’heng. I want to do this for Loras to prove I’m not a selfish ass. And there’s some self-serving agenda tangled up in it, but doesn’t it matter more what you do rather than why?
“I’ll go get the ship ready,” Dina says. “I guess we’ll be leaving soon.”
Hit nods in agreement. They take Argus and Zeeka when they go; both males are eager to get into grimspace, Argus because he’s a junkie, and Zeeka because he aspires to Argus’s status as a veteran jumper. I find it adorable the way Zeeka dogs Argus, trying to imitate him. Which leaves Hon regarding Loras with one hand pressed to his injured side. I’d bet he has broken ribs, based on his ginger movements.
“This is good-bye, I think. No hard feelin’s?”
“If I see you again,” Loras says, smiling, “I’ll probably kill you. You treated me like a pet, one you expected to forage for its own food.”
Hon shrugs. “It made you stronger, didn’t it?”
Loras doesn’t answer, letting the man go. His ship waits for him, along with the rest of his crew, at least the ones who survived Venice Minor. He’s still running under Armada colors, and he has a galaxy to patrol. To my vast amusement, they promoted him when March stepped down, and now he carries the title of commander, along with all the privileges of rank.
Vel, Loras, and I walk out of the training room together. Loras holds himself differently, his shoulders straighter. I see a glimmer of the fierce warriors that my people could not conquer, and so chose to defeat in a bloodless coup. The knowledge makes me sick. But I’m trying to right the wrong even if I had nothing to do with it personally. That’s kind of the point—to fix something I didn’t break. I don’t kid myself it will change any of the harm I’ve inflicted, but it will comfort the soul Adele taught me to believe in, the quiet, smoky thing that lives at the heart of me and occasionally whispers at me that I can do better.
Carvati catches my arm. “If you have a moment, Ms. Jax, I’d like to speak with you.”
I tell the other two, “Head back to Mikhail’s. I’ll catch up with you.”
Vel agrees with a nod, then departs with Loras. I follow Carvati back to his lab, wondering what he wants. Maybe more credits? Mary knows he’s earned them. I won’t argue if he asks for the project-completion bonus. Even though I’m running low on Ramona’s bequest from the wave of wrongful-death payments, I still have the promise of half the credits from Vel’s auction