Aftermath - Ann Aguirre [65]
I’ll do better this time, I vow silently. I will protect you.
Tears sting in my eyes, but I don’t let them spill over. Vel watches me with grave concern, but his silence offers no clue as to his thoughts. With equal reticence, I wish Dr. Carvati well, and add, “Don’t forget to ping me when your team finds something for the La’heng.”
He nods. “You realize it will take turns.”
“I know. But it’s worth doing.”
“Agreed. And your credits make it possible.”
Outside the clinic, on the platform, waiting for the hover cab to take us back to the spaceport, Vel says, “There have been two more requests for settlements, Sirantha.”
Not unexpected, after I agreed on the first. “Pay them both.”
“I have an offer for Dobrinya, but I believe you can do better.”
“Then decline. Accept whatever you think is fair.” I don’t know enough about this shit to manage my mother’s fortune, and really, Vel is just the trustee, until the bereaved families take it, bit by bit.
“Very well.”
Every meter this aircar flies takes me closer to the end of my obligations. As yet, I have two quests to complete, and I don’t kid myself—they’ll each require a lot of time and effort, but my conscience won’t let me rest until I keep my promises, both to myself and to Loras. Only then can I live the life I’ve always dreamed of, devoid of duty or obligation. Just me, my crew, and the silent stars, free to leap anytime I want and follow the beacons anywhere at all. That is my paradise, and a dream I must defer. For now. Where March fits into this future, I can’t say. He made his choice when he went after his nephew.
Though I couldn’t have admitted it, a kernel of bitterness lodges in my heart. It’s always him leaving me, isn’t it? First, it was Keri, and Lachion. Now it’s for the nephew who needs him. His reasons are sound, and he’s a good man who loves me, but I just don’t know if he’s the one with whom I can spend my life. I won’t change my dreams to fit his needs, nor do I think he should do so for me. If we can’t find a median that makes us both happy, then—
Well. Until I hear from him, it will keep. He left. And even in his good-bye letter, he offered his comm code, not an invitation. I’ve been long enough dirtside. I need to travel. Joining his quest on Nicuan would be just as bad as my time on New Terra, training endless waves of jumpers.
I sleep on the ship. As Vel warned, the quarters on the Big Bad Sue are miniscule, but Baby-Z and I don’t need much room. I lie on my back, feeling his tiny movements under my shirt. This time, I’m not full of horrified amusement as I was when the hatchling imprinted on March.
After the span Carvati prescribed, I head to the cockpit, where Hit is already waiting. She grins at the tiny lizard- baby lump on my chest, and I brace myself.
“You and Vel, huh? I’d have thought it would be more insect than reptile, but love works in mysterious ways. But you gotta tell me, how—”
“Okay, seriously.”
I just lost Adele, not that she knows, and I’m feeling oddly sensitive about any mockery directed at Vel, particularly in that way. No, looking at him doesn’t get me hot because he’s so far beyond my type as to be absurd—and yet . . . I love him. I do. It’s a thing beyond explaining, beyond sex, and beyond all customary definitions. Not the way I love March, but I don’t love March the same as I love Vel, either. The human heart defies such boundaries sometimes. It just does what it’s meant to do, and gives love where it receives it. Sometimes it can be blind in the best of ways.
Hit stops smiling when she sees my expression. Nobody ever