Aftermath - Ann Aguirre [91]
Crazed with the voices in my head, I started fighting in the streets, and unscrupulous people noticed my way with knives. They hired me to do what they didn’t want to, Jax. Quiet jobs, dirty ones. I didn’t care as long as it paid. And that’s how I got started as a merc.
I didn’t know then if it’d ever see Svet again. I feared most that she’d think I had run off without a word, like I promised I would never do, no matter how many times I shipped out. When she was a kid, I did it time and again, joining whatever private war paid best to keep her in school. And now I wonder if you’re suffering that same fear—that I think you chose to go wherever you are. This is my answer: I know you couldn’t help it, and I’m trying my damnedest to bring you home, love.
Anyway, about Svet . . . I’d taken to buying her a little gift from wherever I traveled, something she could look forward to, and hold in her hands when I went away again. She liked shiny things, rings and necklaces that sparkled, no matter how cheap. If I hadn’t long ago lost the ability to weep, I would have. But I had no tears then. I hadn’t met an angry, gray-eyed woman yet who could save my soul.
“Brain scrambled, is he?” Somehow, the hag made the cold words seem almost kind.
“Not quite.” I heard a shrug in Tanze’s voice. “I’m not even sure he’s salvageable. But you might have a go before we put him down.”
They would, too. And maybe they’d be right. A hard shudder rolled through me. It was no use pretending I wasn’t awake, listening. The old woman knelt beside me, peering into my face. I couldn’t move.
“What do you say?” she asked, running her fingernail down my jaw. “Shall we try to make something out of you, you pretty, doomed thing?”
I’d never been called pretty before. Somehow, that only added to my silent horror. I knew I wasn’t. Even then, I had a strong, ugly face, and a strong, scarred body.
Finally, I managed to rasp out a question. “What are you going to do with me?”
“I’m going to break you into tiny pieces,” the old woman said with an awful smile. “And then put you back together again.”
When her mind touched mine, I screamed.
You know the rest. How she saved me and taught me to block. How she awoke my conscience and turned me into something more than a monster. But Mair’s the reason I won’t give up on you now, the reason I can love you so fiercely that it has no end and no limits.
We’ll keep looking. And I’ll play this for you when I find you, as proof that I always knew you were coming back to me.
[message ends]
CHAPTER 28
The distance is deceptive. Eventually I stop running because I’ve covered only half the measure to the ruins, and a stitch crimps my side. I’m stronger, but I haven’t had the freedom to run in longer than I can recall. Vel doesn’t chide me, though he has to know I was foolish and impetuous. He merely matches his pace to mine, and we continue on while I hold my side.
It’s not just the cramp. The bite hurts as well, and I shouldn’t have exacerbated it, but Mary, the idea that we might finally make some progress? Irresistible.
“When do you plan on telling me the truth?” he asks quietly.
Shit.
“About what?”
“Your injury.”
Busted.
“I didn’t want you to worry.”
“I have heightened olfactory sense, Sirantha. You smell worse than usual, quite apart from our hygienic challenges.”
Trust Vel to cut to the heart of it like that. “Sorry. But I don’t think there’s anything you can do.”
“You are correct, sadly. But I should examine you nonetheless and sterilize the site, if nothing more.”
I’m so dirty that when he peels away the Nu-Skin, it leaves a clean spot, but the wound itself is hideous. Worse than it was when I peeked at it . . . shit, I’ve lost track of time. It’s been two weeks since we arrived. I think. The gray webs all the way to my ribs, nearly to my breast, and it feels hot, sore, when he brushes a claw against it.
Wordlessly, he tends to the problem as best he can, spraying