Agaat - Marlene van Niekerk [201]
You stood there for a long time in front of the dark hole of the door before you could turn away.
all at last cleared up the dominee the doctor the attorney attest now my last will and testament my farm on leasehold and also the homestead go to agaat until when she reaches eighty she has to hand it over to my son who must make further provision for her up to her death here is her funeral scheme their share as earlier to sow reverts to the okkenels they are henceforth answerable to agaat and she to them as mutually agreed the money from furniture cattle and yard sales and savings of the last seven years she may farm with on a modest scale to meet all her needs and requirements and to fall back on there is her pension reinforced herewith by hundred thousand rand plus extensively enlarged personal-nursing fee
my life I give into her hands for as long as she can carry me no hospital no pumps tubes wires except if I should want to determine differently later only for pain and inconvenience to relieve me of them I ask as I always have my drops agaat must dose me I am her sick merino sheep her exhausted soil her fallow land full of white stones her blown-up cow and acre of lodged grain her rusty wheat her drift from now on in flood she must have my hole dug and have the ring wall neatly whitewashed carve the meaning of everything on my headstone in her mouth I place my last word and in her eye over my departed body the last curse or blessing
because she knows what it is to be a farmer woman: windmill siphon corner post gate-latch and keystone the index of everything how do you convince her of her end how does one clear her up for death how does one get her switched off?
ask agaat that’s how it’s done
when her testament is at last written and her codicils when her estate has been wound up her herds diminished her yard tidied up and her cupboards and drawers cleaned out her giveaways sorted her workers given notice the whole rest of her personal detritus lipsticks powder-boxes nail polish empty tissue-boxes burnt her funeral planned to the last detail her hole dug her coffin in the attic lined with satin
then ask agaat nicely
as edification she will hang the final index before the nose of her near-dead nooi:
Symptoms Medicine Therapy
Tiredness Pyridostigmine Energy conservation Mechanical aids Work modification
Spasticity Joint pains Baclofen Tizanadine Sodium dantroline Movement spectrum exercises
Cramps Quinine sulphate Massage
Fasciculation Carbamazephine Reassurance
Sialorrhea Anticholinergic medicines Salivary gland radiation Mechanical aspiration aids
Thick phlegm Beta blocker Consumption of liquids
Pseudo-bulbar laughing and crying Tri-cyclic anti- depressant Lithium None
Pulmonary secretions and expectoration Dextrometorphane Rehydration, humid air, aspiration aids
Choking Sisapride Change in food consistency
Depression Anti-depressants Counselling and psychiatric counselling Support
Insomnia Opiates Hospital bed
Pulmonary embolus Bronchial dilators Morphine Non-invasive or permanent ventilation Ventilator
Constipation Bisacodyl Liquids
Stasis of the colon Lactulose Energetic exercise
14 November 1978
So then Jakkie brought a little girlfriend home for the first time after the matric exams. More to satisfy Jak than anything else I think because he doesn’t seem to be wildly excited. Was quite the little gentleman but I know him his heart isn’t in it. The poor little thing talks nineteen to the dozen from nervousness & Jak drinks too much & of course couldn’t stand it any more after a while & goes & fetches an old poetry anthology of mine from the shelf. No she must realise the little Isabel in this house high literature is read. How well does she know her poetry he wants to know. Jakkie still tried to put a stop to it but Jak was in full declamatory flight. Oh show me the place where once we stood once when you were mine. They fled out of there the children