Agaat - Marlene van Niekerk [232]
D·I·D Y·O·U R·E·A·L·L·Y H·A·V·E M·I·L·K W·H·E·N Y·O·U L·E·T J·A·K·K·I·E D·R·I·N·K F·R·O·M Y·O·U, question mark. W·H·Y D·I·D Y·O·U N·E·V·E·R T·E·L·L M·E T·H·A·T Y·O·U H·A·D S·E·E·N T. B·L·U·E E·M·P·E·R·O·R B·U·T·T·E·R·F·L·Y I·N T. F·O·R·E·S·T, question mark. I W·A·S T·H·E·R·E B·E·H·I·N·D T. R·O·C·K F·I·G I S·P·I·E·D O·N Y·O·U I S·A·W E·V·E·R·Y·T·H·I·N·G, exclamation mark. S·T·O·L·E H·I·M F·R·O·M M·E , exclamation mark. T·O·O·K H·I·M O·U·T O·F M·E F·U·L·L O·F B·L·O·O·D + S·L·I·M·E + W·R·A·P·P·E·D H·I·M + T·O·O·K H·I·M + N·E·V·E·R R·E·T·U·R·N·E·D H·I·M B·U·T Y·O·U S·A·W W·H·A·T C·A·M·E O·F I·T , colon. H·E W·H·O B·E·N·D·S T·O A H·I·M·S·E·L·F A J·O·Y D·O·T·H T·H·E W·I·N·G·E·D L·I·F·E full stop. D·E·S·T·R·O·Y, full stop. S·L·E·E·P·I·N·G P·I·L·L·S I·N H·I·S W·I·N·E Y·O·U C·O·U·L·D H·A·V·E K·I·L·L·E·D H·I·M T·H·A·T F·I·R·S·T L·E·T·T·E·R O·F H·I·S T·H·A·T S·U·P·P·O·S·E·D·L·Y A comma, A·R·R·I·V·E·D A M·O·N·T·H A·F·T·E·R H·E L·E·F·T, comma, S·L·A·N·T·E·D L·E·T·T·E·R·S F·O·R·W·A·R·D + B·A·C·K T·O question C·A·M·O·U·F·L·A·G·E Y·O·U·R H·A·N·D·W·R·I·T·I·N·G question mark. H·E K·N·E·W N·O·T·H·I·N·G O·F I·T H·E W·O·U·L·D N·O·T H·A·V·E U·S·E·D P·O·S·T O·F·F·I·C·E T·H·E·N + H·I·S C·O·N·C·E·R·N·E·D L·I·T·T·L·E C·A·L·L·S N·O·W·A·D·A·Y·S, question mark. D·O Y·O·U I·N·V·E·N·T·A·L·L T·H·A·T A·S W·E·L·L A·S Y·O·U A·L·W·A·Y·S D·I·D , question mark. I·T·S Y·O·U·R F·A·U·L·T T·H·A·T H·E L·E·F·T L·I·K·E T·H·A·T, exclamation mark. W·H·A·T A·L·L D·I·D Y·O·U T·E·L·L H·I·M I·N T·H·A·T P·L·A·N·E T·H·A·T N·I·G·H·T O·F H·I·S B·I·R·T·H·D·A·Y, ques tion mark. I·T·S Y·O·U·R F·A·U·L·T T·H·A·T J·A·K C·A·M·E T·O G·R·I·E·F N·O·T T·H·A·T I M·I·S·S H·I·M, accent mark, N·O·T I·N T. L·E·A·S·T, exclamation mark. B·U·T T·H·E·R·E = A·F·T·E·R A·L·L S·U·C·H A T·H·I·N·G A·S G·R·A·T·I·T·U·D·E, exclamation, D·I·S·G·R·A·C·E, exclamation. S·E·A·R·C·H·E·D W·H·O·L·E H·O·U·S·E C·R·O·S·S E·X·A·M·I·N·A·T·I·O·N·S + Y·O·U B·E·H·I·N·D T. K·I·T·C·H·E·N D·O·O·R L·I·S·T·E·N·I·N·G H·O·W Y·O·U·R P·L·O·T·S D·I·S·T·I·L, exclamation exclamation exclamation, M·Y O·N·L·Y C·H·I·L·D, exclamation D·O·E·S H·E K·N·O·W I A·M D·Y·I·N·G H·E·R·E, question mark. W·H·Y D·O Y·O·U K·E·E·P M·E I·N T·H·E D·A·R·K, swearword, A·B·O·U·T H·I·S P·L·A·N·S, exclamation question mark.
When I’d done, she came and stood by the foot of the bed, untied her apron, unbuttoned her dress in front, bared her small crooked shoulder in front of me and folded her hands in front of her. At first she talked, but the words had a cadence, a kind of songspeech it was, full of archaic expressions.
In the life of the sheep
weaning-time is the most critical time.
You who are the farmers of the future,
must make every effort to see
that the little lambs do not suffer over-much.
That their first growth is good is essential
because once marred in their development,
they never mend again.
I closed the eye that could close. I couldn’t look upon the crooked shoulder any longer, the expression on Agaat’s face, her mouth twisting as if she were weeping the words.
What did she want me to make of it?
Therefore, before you banish the ewes,
the lambs must walk for a while with their mothers
together in the best grazing
to acquaint them with their new place.
Although mourning can never be forestalled,
they will then have to suffer much less sorrow.
I could close one eye, that’s right, now I remember, that was the moment, that was when it happened for the first time, the other eye remained staring. And still I had to endure it, the incantation, on the pattern, so it sounded to me, of the aboriginal lamentations on Jakkie’s tape.
After separation the ewes must never
walk in the neighbouring camp,
but far enough on vlei and hill,
and best below the wind
for their bleating not to be heard by their lambs.
A child as is well-known,
can tell her mother’s voice from a thousand others,
and from as far away as four full miles.
And furthermore, as lambs are really stupid,
and huddle together against the fence,
and stampede themselves into a heap in one corner of the camp,
you must let a few old-ewes walk with