Agaat - Marlene van Niekerk [258]
No, I’m not defending them, I’m just saying.
Stop it, what do you want me to say? They’ve always been nothing but good to me.
What do you mean? I have food, I have clothes, I have a house . . . and everything . . .
No, you can’t say that, no you can’t.
Jakkie, stop it, your father would never say anything like that. You’re making it up because you’re very angry with him.
No, Jakkie, they look after me and they’re my people.
No, I’m not hiding it, why would I now stand here and lie to you?
Your mother has a hard time with him, he’s difficult, but she’s also difficult.
No, Jakkie, it’s not that bad either.
No, I don’t know what he said to you and I don’t want to know, if he has a complaint, he can tell me about it himself.
No, I don’t interfere.
No, that’s their business.
No, I’m not playing dumb. And I’m not playing innocent.
That’s not true. I know everything and see everything.
No, I say nothing to nobody. Why should I? They don’t do me any harm.
No, you don’t know what you’re saying.
Never mind. Never you mind now, Boetie, why are you so obstreperous this morning?
Of course I want you to stay!
Of course! You’re my brother. You’re the only little brother I have.
No, you needn’t worry about me, I can look after myself.
I’ll miss you, yes, more even than I miss you already.
Of course I’ll write. I’ll write even more.
I will, every week.
About the clover.
About the rain too.
About the drift, everything.
I will.
About the wind.
About the smell of my fennel, they say it’s sprung up all the way to Mossel Bay!
I’ll give you seeds to take along.
Of course I love you, terribly much, you don’t know how much.
No, you don’t know, you can’t know. You’re my child too, you know that, don’t you? But first come to have your birthday with Gaat. I’m making everything that you like. For one last time. Your sheep’s neck and sweet pumpkin, your lovely chicken pie.
No, you can’t possibly want to pull out now.
No, it’s all been arranged, Jakkie!
No, it would break my heart, listen to me!
No, go on, come now. Your mother and I are gardening for you for August.
Sowed yes. Namaqualand daisies. Bokbaai vygies. Your father’s even rented an aeroplane for you.
Never! Oh no! Just forget it!
No, I’d be far too scared.
No, I’ll never. Not a damn. Over the Kapokberg? Oh heavens no, Jakkie.
Over the plain? To the rivermouth?
No! Not why not, just not.
The y of the why and the double-u of the trouble-you.
Yes, Boetie.
The tip of the fern.
Never mind now, I know it’s hard.
Yes, I know you must. You must talk, yes. I want to hear it all.
No, I won’t shut my ears to it, I’m not stupid, I know what I know.
I read the papers, yes, I hear what they say.
Yes, Jakkie, don’t cry, come, hush, hush, don’t cry any more, I know it’s hard, I understand, you’re angry.
No, I won’t and I don’t want to.
It’s not my place, that’s why.
No, that’s not true, I do have a place.
No, Jakkie, don’t carry on like that. So what do you want me to do then?
I’ll never leave her alone. She needs me. I have an obligation.
Are you starting that again? You came along and found me here when you came to your senses and that’s that.
No, I don’t want to.
Where would I have to go? Who would want me . . . as . . . as I am?
No, Boetie, you know that’s not what I’m talking about.
No, Boetie, not yet now, perhaps one day. When I’m old one day, when I’m grey.
I will, I promise. Everything I’ll tell you, one day.
No, Jakkie, that’s right, you must do as your heart tells you to.
I’ll take care, whatever happens. You know I will.
Well, they take care of me too. I’d honestly not be suited to any other place. I don’t have a choice.
Then that’s the way it is.
So then they have only me. It’s better than nothing. And so then I only have them. That’s also better than nothing.
Yes, you will be happy, of course you will.
Don’t say never, Jakkie, that girl was just not your sort, that’s all.
No, I know, the young fellows too, unpolished as your mother would say, whoever would want to