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By Root 707 0

hoops straps tightened asleep in the waterchair? she sounds alarm with her chicken-claw waltzing mathilda jesu joy of man’s desiring blue danube jeepers creepers where’d ya get them peepers strangers in the night what a wonderful world who thinks it all up for the mutes? the walkers the waltzers the yearners? Your call will be answered her rescuer is out of reach in the dry bathtub hands folded on the chest the little one enfolded in the larger legs out straight ankles next to each other black and white and brown how rich her colour how soft her skin in the stark white cradle a capsule chair a space flight get up bathmaster! wake up gatekeeper! it’s not time yet for the last voyage sing to me if you knew susie as I know susie beyond the robot notes sing loud and clear a human song sing! a vulgar caterwauling against this drawn-out decrepitude

7 June 1954

Quite shaky now, ai good heavens! I had to dose Agaat with a tranquilliser and take some drops myself. So there we had a whole drama this evening coming back from the dance in town, just as well we didn’t stay too late.

I no longer lock her door, except when Jak and I go out, then I feel it’s safer like that. I always put her to sleep in any case before we leave. But as soon as I put my foot inside the door tonight, I knew something was wrong.

There she was huddled in the corner, eyes staring in the head, lucky I went to look immediately! With the funnel of the bellows in her mouth. Blood everywhere on the bedding, from her hands, nails torn to pieces to the quick. Won’t talk, shock or something. Thought at first she’d been assaulted, but the door was locked and I had the key in my handbag. Just now when I went to check, saw the scratch marks on the door, pure splinters! Some panic or other? I can’t understand it! Had to bandage her little hands, what a struggle to straighten the arms, her whole body convulsed again.

8 June 1954

Mystery cleared up! Only this morning discovered the poo and pee in the corner of the room, under the old telephone directory that I’d given her to play with! Saar, good Lord the woman! forgot yesterday to replace the little chamber pot in the back room after she’d cleaned it! That such a little oversight could cause such a setback, breaks my heart! Probably thought she was going to be given a hiding again because she’d soiled. So she tried to break down the door.

Now I have to start all over again.

It’s not your fault, you had no choice, I’ve been trying to explain for a whole day, you don’t get punished if you couldn’t do anything to prevent a bad thing. You don’t get punished just because you’re a human with natural needs. It was an accident! It’s not so bad! It’s just an old telephone book! Where else were you supposed to? If you have to go, you have to go. It’s Saar’s fault. I’ve scolded Saar.

It looks as if she doesn’t understand me. Has a wild look in her eyes.

9 June

Constipated! Understandable, shame. Doesn’t want to eat.

10 June

Still hasn’t pooed since the fright of the other evening. Small hand got hurt badly from digging away at the door.

11 June

Ai good Lord, gave Brooklax to get her tummy going, so then she soiled her pants and ran away I can’t find her! Just hope I haven’t caused a whole problem here.

15 June

Made a huge fire for her and danced and blew with the bellows and pretended we were witches, who’s afraid of a big bad poo. Going better!

17 June 1954

Every day great progress now, I feel. She’s speaking fluently now. She gets a hiding with the duster-stick if she speaks on the in-breath and if she stuffs her knuckle into her mouth and if she doesn’t look into my eyes nicely when she talks. That’s the minimum, I say, you talk properly with a straight-out breath, you breathe between every sentence and you look at people full-face, otherwise people will think you’re devious.

11 July 1954

Suppose A. must have a birthday some time or other. Phoned Ma to have enquiries made about her date of birth at the hovels on Goedbegin.

She says they don’t know