Alex Kava Bundle - Alex Kava [542]
She met his eyes again and tried to smile, but it looked like an effort to do so.
“Sometimes,” he continued, putting aside every fiber in his brain that was yelling at him to stop while he was ahead, “it’s not such a bad thing to give yourself a break. You can’t be responsible for every patient.” And without listening to his head, he stepped closer until he was wrapping his arms around her and pulling her gently against his chest.
He leaned down and kissed her hair. When she seemed to respond, moving closer into him, he kissed her neck. She pulled away just enough to offer him her face, and he didn’t hesitate. He kissed her like he had been wanting to kiss her ever since Boston.
Again, she pulled away just enough to whisper in his ear, “Stay with me tonight, Tully.”
His body had already begun to say “yes” when common sense struck him like a hammer. He held her tight, nuzzling her neck as he told her, “I can’t. God, I wish I could, but I can’t.”
She pushed away from him and he could see not only embarrassment but hurt. “Of course,” she said in that professional tone that she retreated to in order to distance herself from the embarrassment. “I’m sorry. I should have never—”
“No, you don’t understand.”
“Of course I understand.” She was at the stove, whipping the marinara sauce. “I didn’t mean to step over the line.”
“I think I’m the one who stepped over the line first.”
“It doesn’t matter, I shouldn’t have suggested—”
“Gwen, stop. I can’t stay because of Emma.”
Now she looked back up at him and he watched the realization sweep over her face, the sting of rejection slip away.
“Otherwise…well, otherwise we certainly wouldn’t even be standing here discussing it.”
“But maybe we should discuss it.”
“No, absolutely not,” he said, holding up a hand to stop her. “And that’s why I better leave right now. Because I don’t want to give us a chance to discuss it to death, to talk ourselves out of it before there’s anything to talk ourselves out of.” He started packing up his case without looking at her.
Finally ready, he grabbed his jacket off the back of a chair, pulled it on and then returned to where he had left her, at the kitchen counter. “I like psychoanalyzing killers with you, but I don’t want to psychoanalyze this. Whatever this is right now, can we just go with it for a while, first?” But before she could answer he kissed her again, a long deep kiss that, when he was finished, left her without an answer.
CHAPTER 48
He liked shopping at this time of night. The aisles of Stop & Shop were practically empty. The rage was still brewing inside him, threatening to dislodge the nausea, but there was no one to notice if he had to dart to the rest rooms or abandon his cart and leave the store suddenly. Which reminded him, he needed to stock up on more of the chalky crap.
Ever since leaving the library he’d felt a tingling in his hands and a weakness in his knees. He turned around to see if anyone was watching, if he was being followed. There was someone out to destroy him. But how did they know? How did they get his e-mail address?
At first he thought it might be the old man. But now he was convinced it had to be that nosy reporter. That bitch! He should have known she would be a problem. She was following him. He had seen her several places, snooping around. He had almost bumped into her yesterday, and she looked through him as if he didn’t exist. Had she been pretending that she didn’t know anything? No, she knew something. Why else was she everywhere he went?
And now was she playing games with him, sending him e-mails and pretending to be Joan. It had to be that reporter. It had to be. Had to be. But how did she know? How did she know he had Joan? Had the old man told her something? Had he seen him taking Joan that night in Hubbard Park?
He had to keep calm. He had to breathe. He would take care of his enemies, all in good time. He just needed to stay calm. He tapped his pocket, making sure